Saturday, March 27, 2010

To Be Honest

The conversation went like this...

DAD.. I’ll tell you what lover, I haven’t been right. I went in the toilet Monday and started puking blood. It went everywhere, up the walls, fuckin’ everywhere. Bright red it was. Fresh.
JOON.. It looked like a slaughterhouse in there.
ME.. Jesus Christ Dad, that’s not fucking good. Have you been to the doctor?
(Step-Mum rolls her eyes heavenward and gets the hell out of the room!)
DAD.. Doctor? Doctor? All a bunch of cunts. They’ve halved me fuckin’ tablets! Why the fuck would they do that?
ME.. Um. Because your Liver’s fucked Dad. You’ve abused it so much it can no longer deal with your tablets.
DAD.. Oh. D’you reckon that’s it then? What about the bleeding?
ME.. That’ll be the varicose veins in your oesophagus bursting and bleeding.
DAD.. Varicose veins? What the fuck caused that?
ME.. Your drinking you prick!!
(Much laughter at this point)
DAD.. What about the bile I bring up for no reason? It looks like egg yolks.
ME.. There is a reason you tosser! The booze! Your Liver is failing. GO TO THE FUCKING DOCTOR!

My siblings started turning up at this point and the chat went no further.
I came home, asked people who know about this stuff and did some online research.
It was worrying.
Actually, it was frightening.
I left it a few days then text my findings to my step-mum, asking her if I should tell Dad or not.
She was great, saying that the information may have more impact coming from a ‘concerned daughter’ rather than a ‘nagging wife’.
She's been trying to get him to the Doc for over 6 months.
I told her to make sure his life insurance premiums were up to date and we had a good laugh.
So I phoned him.

It went like this..

ME.. Hey Dad! I’ve done some research into what you were telling me. Asked some doctors and that.
DAD.. Oh! Nice one! And?
ME.. Dad I’m going to give you the worst case scenario. All your symptoms point to the end stages of Liver Cirrhosis.
Your Liver is shutting down. I’m not telling you to stop drinking, (The reason he won’t go to the doctor. He doesn’t want to hear that!) just cut down. Yeah?
If you don’t you won’t be here to see my birthday and all you will ever be to Ronnie (The Grandson) is an image in a photo.
Anyway, it’s just for your information. I'm not nagging or telling you to STOP drinking. Just ease up, yeah?.
DAD.. Well thanks for that Darlin’, I’m just going to go and rethink my life.

I laughed at that point thinking it was another of his ‘quips’.
We said goodbye and I thought well that’s that. At least I’ve given him the information, it’s up to him now.
He phoned today.
The ansaphone message was, ‘This is ground control to Major Tom. Can you hear me Major Tom??’ and that was it!
Made me laugh a lot.
I called.

ME.. This is Major Tom to ground control.....
DAD.. HAHAHAHAHAHA... (My Dad has a filthy laugh!) You all right Winkle?
ME.. Of course. How are you?
DAD.. That’s what I’m calling about. I went to the Doctor the day after you phoned and have had Liver function tests, blood tests and my heart x-rayed. All sorts.
ME.. Fuck me! Really?
DAD.. Yes.
ME.. Fuck me! Nice one Dad.
DAD.. You put the fuckin’ fear of Christ in me Darlin’! Everything you told me was absolutely right.
ME.. Did you tell them the truth though Dad?
DAD.. For the first time... Yes. My Liver is fine at the moment, I’ve knocked everything, except beer, on the head. They’ve sorted out my tablets, at last, and I feel brilliant!
ME.. That is such good news Dad. Thanks for going to the quack.
DAD.. NO! Thank you Darlin’. Thank you for being straight with me and telling me the truth of the situation.
ME.. Love you don’t I!? It’s some sort of illness. It makes me give a shit about you for some reason! We joke about you dying and that, but I’m not ready to let you go yet.
DAD.. I know. I realise I’m not ready either.
ME.. Does that mean you will leave your house and visit your kids?
DAD.. Does it fuck!
Much laughing from the both of us at this point.
DAD.. Except your birthday. Whatever is happening for your birthday and wherever, I’ll be there.
ME.. Brilliant! I love you old man.
DAD.. Love you daughter.

We said our goodbyes and that was the end of it.

Sometimes it's good to be the one who, 'utters unbearable truths'.

2 comments:

Schneewittchen said...

Joon's brilliant too - knows how to play to the strengths. A good team.

I knew it wasn't the endgame from your description and from my medical training from watching House. The chips are only ever down when blood comes from one nostril.

Sleepy said...

Oh yes!
And very soon after the suggestion of Lupus, no one has mentioned Lupus yet!