Trouble In Paradise

The first altercation was with the Germans.
A certain inevitability to that I feel.
The resort was quite mixed. Many Russians, a lot of French, Germans and Indians along with a few British and Irish.
‘My’ Germans had a Laser pen.
Mmmm. Good fun.
Not after catching one in the eye.
I politely asked them to keep it away from me, explaining one had rendered me sightless for 3 days.
They stopped.
Two nights later, sat outside the bar, I got the ’Sniper Dot’ on me.
I sat calmly while it slowly tracked its way across my chest.
Not being allowed to take my trusty Marmite with me turned me into a Mosquito Buffet.
(I have 21 bites on 1 fucking leg!)
The only relief from the itching is Tiger Balm. I swear to Christ it stops it dead.
So, I filled the end of my index finger with a big ole smear of balm and set off for the Germans.
As I approached, I started to stagger and roll like a very pissed person.
I’ve had practise.
Just as I got to my German I ‘tripped’, fell into him and poked him in the eye with a finger full of Tiger Balm.
See how he liked blindness for a couple of days!
Wanker!
The Russians I had made friends with liked this very, very much.

I will tell you about the French tomorrow…
I’m still not quite over it.