Election And Connection

I had no idea who to vote for so decided to indulge in some ‘Election Roulette’.

The first fucker to knock on the door would get my vote.

Unless it was the BNP or any other of the Nazi parties.

Not a one came near me.

It was local elections too, so I voted for the bloke who was the most help with the trees.

Even when I was stood in the booth looking at the paper I didn’t know where to put my cross.

So while I was there, wondering whether to spoil my ballot, I decided there should be a ‘Don’t Know, They’re All Shit’ option.

None of them have convinced me they can organise a piss up in a brewery.

We’re fucked whatever way it goes.

I also had Connectile Dysfunction the whole of the Bank Holiday weekend.

Virgin Media? Fucking load of shit.

I was ‘phoning for three days, arguing with Indians called Ryan.

Fucking Ryan? Yeah, popular name in the Punjab that one.

One of them started every sentence with “I suppose..”

‘I suppose it is unplanned maintenance in your area’, ‘I suppose you could be back on by the 7th of May’.

It got very heated.

Eventually I got through to a British call centre and things seem to get sorted.

I’m still not sure if it was them or James the giant Apple engineer.

My money is on James.