Berlin, Bastards And Bibles

Twenty years ago today I was in Berlin.
It would be amazing to say I was at the wall when all the important shit was going on, but I wasn’t.
I was in a hotel room with a Danish girl called Franka.
Christ. That’s a blast from the past!
The circular breathing trick I learned playing the trumpet certainly came in to its own that day.
I WAS at the wall the following evening though. Along with every other fucker from both Berlins!
There is a lump of it knocking around in the attic somewhere and a photo of Fran in a Bavarian hat and nothing else.
Frighteningly it is possible there is a photo somewhere of me in a similar state of dress, except I am resplendent in a Fez!

Today I made the mistake of going out during the school run.
Not only did I get caught up in the pushchair conga outside the launderette, which was hampered by the queue for the bus; I had a ‘moment’ when some bastard decided he was going to ride his bike on the pavement through all this so I pushed him off it.
I made it look as though I had been jostled in to him but I basically shouldered him onto his ignorant arse.
No one said a word.

I’m convinced I have never got a bible question on University Challenge wrong.
This evenings correct answer lead to me throwing my hands in the air and declaring,
“I am an Old Testament G-d!”
From The Mansions Gallery I got one, ‘Mmmm’ and one very pitying look.
Within seconds, I had undone all my good work by getting a Spurs question wrong.
I know! I was just as shocked!

Why is it I never sneeze while I’m on the toilet? Where, quite frankly, it would be ideal.

Housemates.. I was perfectly serious about the need for the anti-bac toilet wipes to be kept separately from the ‘intimate’ wet wipes.
As attractive and refreshing as the smell of lime is, I don’t particularly want it coming from my Panty Parts.