I think that after finding money, finding gift vouchers has got to be one of the greatest, simple, joys of life.
I’ve been sorting through some old books and I always give them a flip through in case anything has been tucked in them.
I use whatever is to hand as a bookmark, having an absolute horror of pages being turned down.
Today I found £15’s worth of Waitrose vouchers.
I treated myself to some Baile Nicol Jarvie Scotch and some Stones Ginger Wine.
For a couple of days I’ve really fancied a Whisky Mac.
I must have gone during some unofficial ‘Gay Hour’ because it was aisle-to-aisle homos.
I swear on Sappho and Oscar!
Including some kind of *vicar/priest, who was NOT so subtly cruising in the French wine section.
While waiting in the checkout queue I couldn’t help but look at one of the ‘partners’ (Staff, to the rest of the world!).
Her unique application of make up had managed to make her eyes resemble two piss holes in the snow.
At this point, it was my turn and I had to take the earphones off; I was just in time to hear one of the other ‘partners’ say,
“Yeah, it looks good. It really brings out your eyes.”
It was one of those moments I often have, when I find myself gazing around to see if anyone else is ‘getting it’.
There was.
Father Cruise De Vin!
He raised an eyebrow and whispered, “Christ!”
I said, ‘Name Dropper.’
We laughed.
A LOT.
The poor foetus on the till looked frightened.
When I handed him the vouchers he looked terrified.
“Do you know what to do with those?” I asked.
He half nodded and kept turning them over in his hand.
I started looking around for a Supervisor ‘partner’.
Till foetus and I caught her eye at the same time and she came over.
“You’ve had these for a long time,” she informed me.
‘I know’, I told her and continued filling my bag.
“They don’t print them like this any more,” she continued.
‘Really’ I couldn’t have been more disinterested.
She started turning them over, looking at the back; looking at the front, looking at the back.
I zipped up the bag and told her,
“It does matter how many times you look at them, there is no expiry date. It’s money, money doesn’t go out of date does it?”
To the surprise of all concerned, most of all me, they went through the till.
‘John the ipod’ chose some Verdi and I trundled home.
I wonder if it’s possible to be intolerant to Gluten Free food.
“Oooh no! I’m sorry. I’m intolerant to gluten free; could you knock me up a couple of rounds of toast and a bowl of pasta?”
*How do you tell the denominational difference?
In the old days, Prods/Anglicans had a white bit on their collar that went halfway around their neck.
Catholics had 3 inches of white at the very front of their throat.
I refer you to the great film, ‘The Quiet Man’ for confirmation of this.
7 comments:
These days you can tell the difference between the prods and left-footers because the proddies mostly have more prominent breasts and a more comely spread of body fat around the hips.
OR.... the left-footers are the 'innies' and the proddies are the 'outies'.
Waitrose is exactly where I'd expect to find Gaiety, owing to the fact (oh alright then, stereotypical view) that they have better taste in most things and especially food and wine.
And I swear, the wv = chugg. How bloody topic appropriate.
Yep. Tits are an obvious Prod highlighter but what about the chaps?
The ones that don't wear pastel coloured shirts that is.
The Waitrose in Brighton resembles a gay cage fighting event most evenings, it's like Old Compton Street on ritalin - I lived a couple of hundred yards away and would have to gird my loins and generally take my life in my own hands if I so much as needed a pint of milk. Sometimes I would come out and feel like I'd been abused.
Oddly - among the countless celebrity homosexuals that regulary mixed their own salads - the 'veteran' comedy actress Anna Quayle was in there every day. 7 ft tall - very heavy makeup - tattered espadrilles, even I snow - and a voice that was like something from a forgotten age booming over the aisles " Darlings, are these fresh olives?, are they really darling - are you sure"
I miss it.
The proddie chaps are the gay ones, and indeed many, if not all, outies. Personally I think it's all a big improvement - not saying there isn't still a lot of room for more improvement, maybe a bit of improv too to take in Richard's local Waitrose.
I must say, I did spend a lot of time browsing in Marlborough Waiters after you came upon Nigel Havers in there Sleepy, but to no avail. The more time you spend in the bloody shop, the more money you have no control over spending.
And I also meant to mention that I too get taken by a sudden urge for a whisky mac sometimes. There are just certain times when it is the only cure.
AND....what's going on? WV= bicar
Richard.. Anna Quayle! Hehehe! Did she do a stint in Grange Hill?
The only time I come away from shopping feeling abused is if I get fondled by Miss H in Somerfield!
Schnee.. I was reading somewhere (I'll try and find it for you) that 85% of Catholic priests are gay.
I wouldn't be at all surprised.
I also wouldn't be surprised if 84.5% of them WERE celibate.
It offends me that there is a 'school' of thought that believes Gay people just can't help themselves but fuck.
Why is a vow of celibacy from a homosexual worth any less than the same vow from a heterosexual?
Why is every SINGLE thing about us brought down to a sex act?
Right down to whether organised religion will 'allow' us a relationship with G-d.
What fucking arrogance.
Ahh!.. Marlborough Waitrose is special!
It's interesting to see what the posh kids from the school buy, even more interesting is what they pay with.
Never seen so many "Gold Cards"!
Second evening of Whisky Macs and Hot Toddy's!
Ohmygod! Apparently hot toddies are a generational thing. The bloody Salivation Army ho-ho-ho Santas are outside every store already. Yesterday we came out of the Liquor Store (without the surprisingly small $60 crystal head of voddie)and their one was ringing her bell disconsolately. I said the Liquor Store should send her out a hot toddy, and then when we got in the car, Ben just looked at me in astonishment and said,
'Did you just say she should get some hot totty?'
LOL!!
Ben! You star!
I have yet to see a Santa but am confronted with Ho Ho Ho's everytime I venture along the Rue Albert!
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