The sad reality of my life means that a 2 hour power cut was the highlight of my day.
I was watching the TV, then all of a sudden I wasn’t.
Using all my ‘electrics savvy’ I opened the cupboard under the stairs, looked at the fusebox and shouted,
“What? What is it? What do you want?”
I did the all important flipping on and off of lights, until the fish tank not bubbling confirmed 'The Power Cut'.
For some reason I refused to believe it when the TV went blank.
I went into the street to ‘look’. At what? I have no idea.
Then people started emerging from their houses.
The almost albino students across the road looked relieved when enlightened, believing it had something to do with their “billing issues”.
The Scottish bloke from down the road cheerfully announced,
“Right, if I cannae work, I’m going for a pint”, and disappeared.
The smiley Indian man who never talks appeared and raised his eyebrows.
He was told the problem.
He smiled, raised a hand and off he went.
Not a word!
Could the Housemate who ‘tidies’ the Parozone Antibacterial Wipes, used for sanitising the seat, on to the top of the Antibacterial Moist Toilet Wipes, used for sanitising the arse, please refrain.
As appealing as a ‘lemon fresh’ arsehole is, a bleached clean one certainly isn’t.
Perhaps now you will understand their necessary separation.
If what nearly happened this afternoon does EVER occur, rents will increase 200%, the felines will be allowed to go Free Range (Yes, that means in your rooms!) and I’ll hide the fecking toilet paper.
Sounds reasonable to me.
Have seen Mr & Mrs Crisp-e, Sassy, Mad Matt and the Big little Brother today.
It was nice to have company and to take my mind off the ‘feminine pain that may not speak its name’!
Crisp-e and I decided that there was no way to describe this pain to a bloke, just as there is no way for a man to describe the pain of a kick in the balls to a woman.
As humans, there is no shared pain we can use in comparison to illustrate for us.
Mad Matt and I discussed the idea that as he was Dyslexic and Discalcular could he describe himself as ‘Un-numerate’?
Anyway, we made ourselves laugh.
2 comments:
I was reading a comment by a doctor somewhere who said that when a woman came to him and described a pain as being 'like a period pain' he retorts with, 'Madame, is that similar to getting your foreskin caught in your fly?'
On t'other hand, I personally think that the pain that may not speak its name except on TV ads, is like having big toothache in the groinal regions.
The trouble is with toothache or earache, I want to bash my head against a brick wall......
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