I’m comforted in the knowledge that SOMEONE as sick as me was there because we have photos of the glorious event!
Then there are the things that make you go Mmmm?
This has been the most useful site of the day.
Somehow I’ve managed to cover myself in some fucking hideous, brown, sticky, unidentifiable goop; which lives in the cupboard under the stairs.
Today it had attached itself to the hoover and by the end of my chores I managed to look like a prisoner on a ‘dirty protest’.
More annoyingly I can’t find this where this shite is coming from.
I open the door and the cupboard just smiles back at me. All clean, gleaming, full of alcohol and utility meters.
It also appears to be where umbrellas go to die.
There are loads in there.
All sizes.
I was pretty pissed off so went for a mooch along the seafront.
What is it about living a five minute walk from the sea that means I hardly ever go there?
I remember now.
Women with strollers marching along 4 abreast, the old, the disabled, the truanting, the trysting, the cycling and the fucking jogging.
It needs lanes.
What is it about living a five minute walk from the sea that means I hardly ever go there?
I remember now.
Women with strollers marching along 4 abreast, the old, the disabled, the truanting, the trysting, the cycling and the fucking jogging.
It needs lanes.
On the way home I was confronted with the ‘Lollipop’ person.
I understand that they do a brilliant job getting five year olds, whose parents can’t be arsed to collect them from school home safely, but stay the fuck away from me.
I’m nearly fucking 40. I can do this unaided.
You may have not noticed the stares of pure venom that are aimed at me from the cars you stop, I have.
I choose to cross at that stretch of road because it’s safe. Not because I want you to hold up all the traffic for me.
Knock yourself out with the people with kids but stay the fuck where you are when it’s me, ok?
I then encountered the scrum of parents at the school gate, blocking the pavement.
Spread out will you?!
After the third ‘excuse me’, with no response I allowed Asperger’s Sleepy out.
I understand that they do a brilliant job getting five year olds, whose parents can’t be arsed to collect them from school home safely, but stay the fuck away from me.
I’m nearly fucking 40. I can do this unaided.
You may have not noticed the stares of pure venom that are aimed at me from the cars you stop, I have.
I choose to cross at that stretch of road because it’s safe. Not because I want you to hold up all the traffic for me.
Knock yourself out with the people with kids but stay the fuck where you are when it’s me, ok?
I then encountered the scrum of parents at the school gate, blocking the pavement.
Spread out will you?!
After the third ‘excuse me’, with no response I allowed Asperger’s Sleepy out.
She is never far beneath the surface.
I shouted, (and I can have a shout)
“I’ve been fucking polite! Now! Fucking move!”
It was like the parting of the Red Sea and I marched on my merry Mosaic way.
There will be Karmic repercussions but I'm ready for them.
I shouted, (and I can have a shout)
“I’ve been fucking polite! Now! Fucking move!”
It was like the parting of the Red Sea and I marched on my merry Mosaic way.
There will be Karmic repercussions but I'm ready for them.
It’s been a moody day in Pompey.
4 comments:
And btw, I was still playing with the sloganiser during the day. (Notice how I've anglicised the name). I found that if you put in lame words, you get lame slogans back.
....although, 'let the barstool take the strain' quite appealed to me.
Hahaha! You go girl!
I love the sloganiser and your 'proper' spelling!
I loved the piece about the funeral. Hilarious. What's wrong with a 'normal' hearse, for heaven's sake? Why the need for all this pseudo victorian nonsense that holds up traffic? And at 79 the old dear wasn't even from the Victorian era - that lot have all died out - so there's really no excuse.
BTW, I wonder if there is a site giving you 200 uses for Cillit Bang? I'm obssessed.
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