This morning I got up and had ‘Toker’s Panic’.
That is when the street outside your house is crawling with Police and you convince yourself that they have come for you.
The words ‘Personal Use!, Personal Use!’ bounce around your head.
It certainly makes one feel alive for a few minutes!
I had a smoke and a cup of tea to calm down.
Then watched them tow away a car.
Not a crappy old thing either.
I want this game SO bad it’s unnatural!
www.shipoffools.com/kitschmas/05_vatican_game.html
It’s based on Monopoly and it’s about becoming Pope.
A position I should be able to run for, anyway!
“Thou art Sleepy, the rock on whom I will build my apathy.”
When we were grounded as kids, my sister and I used to play Monopoly or Game of Life.
Monopoly got violent when I ran out of money and robbed the bank. Which, obviously, meant punching my sister in the face during the said robbery if she was Banker.
The Game of Life never ended well either, it was a frigging minefield.
There is a square you land on and you HAVE to get married.
Spouses and children were represented in your ‘Family Car’ by Pink or Blue markers.
I always ‘married’ another pink marker.
This used to drive my sister over the edge and she would run to ATM shouting that I wouldn’t play properly.
With the benefit of hindsight, I can see ATM did her best.
“If Sleepy wants to marry another lady, that’s perfectly alright. She can have a pink marker in her car if she wants. Some ladies like ladies.”
She would look at me and ask if I couldn’t have a blue marker, just for the benefit of the game.
The answer was always the same.
No!
I fecking couldn’t!
And while we are at it, I’m not having the ‘children’ markers either.
When my sister used to put them in my car anyway, I would throw them out and shout, ‘Abortion’.
That, as you can imagine, went down SO well.
ATM used to let us out because she couldn’t bear having us grounded in the house together.
There are ‘designer’ cats out there called Asheras.
Apparently they are part African Serval, part Asian Leopard and part House Cat.
Unsurprisingly, they cost thousands; can reach 40lbs fully grown and live 25 years.
My run of the mill Pompey house cats slaughter their way through birds, mice, frogs, voles, rats and, I’m sure, other wildlife that they don’t bring home.
What the fuck would you find on the rug with a cat like that?
Headless foxes? Smaller cats? Kate Humble?
What manner of nastiness would that animal cough up on your bed?
Actually, after some thought, I wouldn’t totally object to Kate Humble.
Ho Hum! Me? A blonde! Who knew?!
Finally, RIP Jane Rule, and “Thank You” so very much.
3 comments:
A classic text there Sleepy! Sorry I have been absent from bloggage but I have had three weeks of different forms of insanity: the my honey sort and then family. All very sweet and all very helpful in their ways and means, but all jolly hard work.
I loved your account of the Game of Life. I was a big Monopoly fan. My brother used to create 'murder miles' which effectively put everyone out of business as he simply collected all the properties down one stretch of hte board, built tons of houses and took all our money.
Just like life, no?
Now looking for Asheras...
Oh my god, its HUGE! It's a bluddy cat/leopard cross. Jesus Christ, it'll eat us all nevermind the rest. Council estates across the land will be breeding these fuckers within months. Don't worry about the gangs, this fucker will eat up Leigh Park for breakfast and have the North Peckham for a wee snackette...
They could be the new Pit Bull!
The new Chav must have!
Although I think they will be priced out of it.
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