A Day Of It

I have had, what my Dad would describe as, ‘A fucking day of it!’
There was a plan to meet my cousin at a railway station 40 minutes away.
An exchange of ‘herbs’ was arranged.
As he’d pissed me about with the time, my temper was just shy of Psycho.
(Whoever heard of someone, whose business is weighing stuff, not having scales?!)
I got on to the enquiries site and chose my train.
While buying the ticket at my station I was informed there was a bus laid on.
I replied, ‘No. If I’d wanted the bus I would have gone to the Hard’. (Where the bus station is!)
The man mumbled on about work on the track.
So I said, ‘Why doesn’t it say this shit on the fucking website then?’
He tried to tell me it did and I had read it wrong.
I flipped and a LOT of loud swearing ensued.
The station was full of police because of Pompey playing at home.
One came over and asked if there was a problem.
I told him there fucking would be if he got involved.
I must have looked pretty mental, because he went away.

When the bus eventually arrived, I watched as everybody ignored the young mum with a toddler and new baby struggle with her pram.
I asked if I could help, expecting to be put in charge of the pushchair.
She handed me the toddler who took one look at me, realised I wasn’t Mum or Nan, and screamed like I’d bitten her.
This did nothing to improve my mood.
She then handed me the baby in it’s carrying thing while she tried to stow the pushchair away.
The baby started crying because its dummy thing had come out.
Mum was still trying to undo straps on the storage area.
Two screaming kids.
Then to top it all the Mum shouted at me,
“Can you put her dummy back in please!”
As calmly and softly as I possibly could, (I WAS holding children!) I replied,
“Um… No. I have only got two hands AND I’m not your fucking husband!”
There was an apology.
For some reason, the process was repeated at the other end.
Without the ‘sharp’ words this time.
The look on my cousin’s face as he saw me with two kids was priceless.
He looked totally confused as he mouthed ‘What The Fuck!’

For all that effort, it’s nice to know that a few of my nearest and dearest are sat at home, slitty eyed and grinning!
It was also comforting to know that the choice to remain childless was fecking inspired!

We’ll say nothing about the rugby, it will only start me off again.