Schnee was correct in her assumption that G-d would use this opportunity to realign my Karma.
As you know I have the cover of an old Gideon bible that I wrap around my book and find it an effective way to keep people away from me.
UNLESS you get spotted by a religious nutter; then you are ‘Manna from heaven’.
He got into his spiel about how wonderful it was to find another believer, one who wasn’t afraid to publicly show it blah blah blah.
Having been trained so well by my Grandmother, I find it almost impossible to be rude to older people.
Almost. I’ll come to that later.
So I just smiled and nodded.
The Supreme Being hadn’t quite finished with me.
“What passage are you reading?”
Oh for fuck’s sake! Enough already!
Never before have I been grateful for having to memorize huge tracts of Deuteronomy.
Wiltshire was gorgeous.
Covered in Snow Drops, Daffodils and all the best signs of Spring.
The Hounds are great and Jessie had her 14th birthday on Sunday, which for a Greyhound is a grand old age.
She is showing it now. Her back legs are gone and she fell out of the car a couple of times.
She is still my ‘best girl’ though.
The Boy is as ever, The Boy!
I caught the evening train back from Salisbury, hoping that it would be relatively empty.
It wasn’t too bad.
The only seat was opposite and older lady reading The Telegraph.
I got myself settled and she started picking her nose.
I swear to Christ she was second knuckle deep up it.
Horrified, I looked at the man sitting next to me who tried to pretend he hadn’t seen anything.
Then the sniffing started.
It was so loud I could hear it over the ipod.
I increased the volume and could still hear her.
After ten minutes I couldn’t stand it anymore and got out a packet of tissues and offered her one.
She went mental.
Apparently, she had never been treated so rudely in all her life and how dare I.
So I gave her the full on Sleepy rudeness.
“Really? Never treated so fucking rudely? I haven’t sat in a carriage full of fucking strangers picking my fucking nose! I haven’t sat sniffing back snot like a fucking navvy!”
The look on her face was priceless, so I continued.
“Why don’t you take the tissue, fuck off to the toilet and see if you can mine any sense of fucking decorum out of there?”
She got up and informed me she was going to find a guard.
“See if HE has a fucking tissue!” I shouted after her.
The man next to me was in hysterics by now as were a few others.
Some people.
7 comments:
you have inspired me to recount my catalogue of train based horror stories, what is it about them that brings out the evil twin in people?
nice to have you back!
Oh please do!
I can't believe this kind of shit just happens to me.
Thanks.
But did she get the guard? I think we should be told. I have exactly the same problem with students (not nose picking) in that they think it is perfectly acceptable to sniff incessantly through lectures and seminars. Hello, a tissue anyone? A piece of bog roll? If necessary, a discrete wipe with the cuff of your shirt is better than interminable sniffles.
Nope.
No guard appeared but it was First Great Western!
Fantastic ! Nose-picking is the WORST, absolute WORST anti-social habit. It makes me retch. I do get kids doing that and I always ask them loudly of they need a hankie, or thrust one at them since they never know what the fuck I'm talking about and the stress of watching the little blighter excavate its nose always makes me want to shout that I'm the one who speaks English! But SENIORS picking their nose in public! Eeeeuwww!!! They'd better have the mad cow or it's inexcusable. In fact, they ought to be made to think that nose-picking CAUSES the mad cow.
Yuk.
GREAT reaction. I miss your road rage. Daily.
LMFAO! Mate, this is why I love you! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Schnee.. I love road raging over with you, I'm on totally the right side of the car for screaming at drivers!
I will never forget the look on that bloke had on his face.
Leaning away from his window!
Crisp-e.. Lack of nicotine induced Tourettes!
You know how I get!
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