“An Eavesdropper never hears good of themselves”.
A line used by ATM after my sister overheard Mother bitching about her. Fortunately, I never uttered a word during the diatribe. Although, I inwardly agreed with every word. So ATM was the focus of my sister’s ire, not me. It didn’t last long, her mortgage was due.
I have a similar thing going on at the moment and it’s really beginning to annoy me.
When I started this blog I told very few people about it. Someone I am close to, but didn’t tell, has obviously discovered it for themselves and has got bitter and twisted. The people I told were the individuals I wouldn’t mind seeing me fall on my arse. I wouldn’t be totally humiliated by them knowing it didn’t work out.
So, when I speak to this person on MSN they will makes little references to things I have written, without actually saying. “I read your Blog”.. Last night the conversation went on and on about her Wellies. How she was going to have to shake them out before wearing, how friends of hers had discovered mice in them etc..
This has got me to the point that I would rather remove my spleen with a tin opener, than say, ‘I’ve got a blog going’..
Now for a Housemate rant…
I’m quite laissez faire about toothpaste ‘squeezage’. It doesn’t send me particularly rabid if you squeeze in the middle.
Do the same thing with the tomato puree and I’ll stab you in the fucking eyes! The packaging is totally different. If you bend the top ‘Spout’ bit over, squeezing it causes leaking fissures along the main body of the tube. Nothing comes out of it, except at unfeasable angles. It’s bad enough that you let this happen, but to then put the haemorrhaging mass back in the fridge is a real piss off!
I have also decided that as I’m the only one who vacuums the stairs, I’m the only one allowed to use them. Kenny and Murphy have special dispensation to use them, but the rest of you fuckers can fly, use ropes, install a Stannah chair lift. I don’t care. Keep your leaf bearing, mud carrying feet off my stairs.
Mad Matt paid us a visit tonight! Jeez, is that guy good for the soul! I have laughed and laughed this evening. I am so glad Sarah Down The Road joined us in time for his absolute cracker of the night, which I feel compelled to share with the rest of the world.
He described a slapper’s panty parts as a,
“Fanny like a wizard’s sleeve”!!!
Belter!
We had tears and difficulty breathing. Mad Matt you are a legend!.
Although, I think you may have ruined the Harry Potter films for me, but invented a new drinking game. Champion!
5 comments:
Eeeuw, doesn't bear thinking about. Course it makes ya wonder how he knows. No, let's not go there.
Tomato puree is just disgusting when it gets missqueezed and put back in the fridge because it gets a horrible bloody rime around it. Which in its turn then goes black. Which is why I stopped buying the tubes myself and instead got those mini-tins, kinda one use really.
If you should decide to remove your spleen with a tin-opener, don't do it while Crisp-e's around, he'll just fry it up and eat it with chillies.
Vacuuming the stairs is one of the worst jobs, I fecking hate it. Left to my own devices I'd get rid of all carpets in the house because I don't mind swiffering the stairs. In fact in our house, the bloody stairs to the upstairs and the two bedrooms are the only places we have carpet. Typical.
I think the mini tins are the way forward. It's just the tubes are dead cheap in Lidl's!
Mmmm, devilled spleen! My favourite. May need a squeeze of tomato puree though!
sassy... Spilling is good!
Crisp-e ... Was that you? was that hideous tube your last laugh! And stay the hell away from my spleen!
No, certainly not!!!
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