Today, The Times had a list of the 50 Greatest Sporting Insults. My favourite came 4th and was an exchange between Rod Marsh and Ian Botham.
“How’s your wife and MY kids?”
“The wife’s fine, the kids are retarded”.
That made me laugh out loud.
The Independent had a list of the Top 20 reasons men and women have sex.
With, ‘to get closer to G-d’, appearing often enough to warrant a mention. Which I find a tad disturbing. Were the Clergy polled?
I find any mention of G-d, apart from the shouting bit near the end, a bit of a passion killer.
Another paper had the list of Top Elvis songs.
It’s 30 years since he died, so brace yourselves.
The Daily Nazi has the poxiest ‘Summer Quiz’ ever. It takes about 2 minutes to do.
It’s August therefore No News?
Nobody seems to be all over that fact that George W. Bush is surprised that our Prime Minister isn’t a twat.
“He’s not a dour Scotsman!” and “He’s a Scotsman with a sense of humour”.
Hang On, Hang On; racial stereotyping, anyone?
Billy Connolly isn’t the only one. There is the cracking Frankie Boyle too!
I bet George was freaked that he didn’t arrive in a kilt and full battle wode.
I’m sure he could have dipped into a wealth of transsexual material.
At the press conference it appeared he was trying to stop himself jumping up and down shouting,
“He’s not a wanker!”
The Gift! Jaysus, the Gift.
If there’s a man more unsuited to a Bomber Jacket, you’d be hard pressed to look beyond Gordon Brown.
And a ‘Bomber Jacket’?
Are they taking the piss or what?
Next time you go Gordon, take a Sniper Rifle for the surviving Kennedy’s, or perhaps a replica of Tower Bridge for the people of Minneapolis?
They started it with the Ironic presents!
I’m thinking a “Break Glass In Case Of Emergency” thing with the condom in, for the Pope.
Some tar and feathers for the French?
I shall stop before I start to fully ’channel’ my Grandfather.
A great trip down memory lane for me but not entirely Politically Correct for the rest of the world.
I make no apologies for him; he was a product of a different time.
A time of Empire, stiff upper lips and joining the Army when the whole idea was to GET shot.
I’ll let you know how I get on at the dogs!
5 comments:
Ah, the dogs! Have a flutter on me and I'll pay you the bet when I return (promise!). Put it on a which ever dog looks mashed up and knackered as that will be my soul mate :-)
And it's all bridges here in the USA, mate. Nowt else. Nada. Nix.
Have they got lists about bridges?
Hell yes! Lists abound as to which bridges have also been tagged with the same 'structurally deficient' of other such unhelpful denomination. ANd yet the American public is being told that even though there is this rather worrying description being given of thousands of bridges in the USA, this does not mean that they are unsafe. Just as the Minneapolis one wasn't really unsafe - it just fell down. Hmmm...
Apparently large parts of the American infrastructure such as roads, water mains and filtration and stuff are also structurally deficient. This has led to all kinds of wailings as to the bill for repair, but I did wonder if this was just a mere drop in comparison to the moneys dished out in arms to rather unpleasant and rather unstable Middle East regimes.
But if you want to really get your ire going, go and look at USA today and the stories being featured of physicians refusing treatment to patients on the grounds of religious objection. Jaysus...
When you come to this continent you deffo stop bellyaching about the Road Fund Licence and the MOT certificate.
At least there's a National Health Service in Canada, which isn't really a National service, the biggest problem for both Canada and the US is that neither of them really know what it's like to be a single nation.
In Canada you get the maple leaf on everything, just in case you suddenly forget where you are, and yet there's virtually nothing that is truly Canadian rather than provincial. Well, maybe ice hockey.They'll tell you it's just Quebec, but it's not.
Thus, everyone bellyaches whenever 'federal' money is given to some part of the country or another, likewise in the States. No-one really knows whose job it is to look after the common good, it's like it's charity, not the actual JOB of the country's government.
Sometimes, just sometimes, I think maybe it's alright here.
10 minutes later I'm online looking for property in Ireland!
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