And We Laughed...

This evening I have had visitors to the House… Mad Matt the Dyslexic Science Teacher, Josh, who used to teach IT and Robbie!

Mad Matt is one of my most favourite people because he can make me laugh.. Not just polite “ Oooh aren’t you witty” laugh. Proper laugh, Kid laugh! Like when you were in a school assembly and you know you shouldn’t but it just comes out… And you hurt your muscles trying not to…!
Matt comes from Co. Durham and has an accent that lends itself to funny stories. He also has a poor Dad whom isn’t the luckiest geezer alive. MM’s Dad has a prosthetic arm and a glass eye, which is ripe for comedy!..

Tonight we heard how MM’s Dad needed a new hand and that there is such a place called ’The Limb Clinic’.. (I was cracked up with that one!) His measurements were taken, angles were calculated, Pi was probably involved and a new hand was manufactured.. The only problem was they had made the had for a large Jamaican male.. Not much call for that in a small pit village in Co. Durham..
Matt is one of those who should live here, but doesn’t (at the moment!)

This leads me on to the ‘Housemates’…. Who else thinks that if you boil water in a pan it doesn’t need washing up?? Do you NOT notice the chalky residue left on the pan?? Why would you think I’d just use it like that?? Or saucepan lids… Why would they need washing? Because, what is in the lower part of the pan splashes up you fucking *DINS!

And rest…………1……………………......2.....................................3..............
Ok… Here’s another one. How long can laundry be left in the washing machine before it starts to smell like decay? (Chris calls the smell ‘puck’, my family call it ‘Fausty’..) The sister question to this, is how long do you leave it in before YOU take it out? What’s the etiquette?
I object to having to touch another persons unmentionables just to get mine in the machine.

And rest………………..1.…………………………2.……………………………..3
Also, tea towels are for wiping dry recently washed dishes; NOT any spillages, drips and bits of takeaway that may have escaped. You animals! While we are on that subject, Well done those of you who have moved on to ‘Dishwasher, Level 2’… Level one being loading it and turning it on. Level 2 is taking the washed stuff out!! Depending on the timing (When you open the door), some of this will need wiping dry before putting away. If it feels slippery in your hands, it is wet! Dry it… By doing that we avoid the ‘Licked Clean’ look of most of our glassware and cutlery.

Ho Hum! The joys of community living…. Imagine if we went communist! I’d have to slaughter half and send the others to a camp in Gosport to live out their days cold and reviled!..


* DINS… Good Pompey word for those not academically gifted and devoid of any redeeming features, other than a head shaped for wearing baseball caps.