Thursday, September 07, 2006

Homo Sapiens

I read today that the American Tennis Association has renamed the National Tennis Centre in NY after Billie Jean King, one of my all time heroes!
How many sports venues can you think of that are named after women? The Virginia Wade Lido? Apart from this one I can think of none. (But I am Mullered!)
As a kid I had no idea about her sexual orientation but I knew there was 'something' about her, because of the way ATM spoke about her with other adults. I heard the word ‘Bi’, ‘Dyke’ and someone saying she was sponsored by ‘Snap On Tools’. Which, with hindsight, I find quite amusing.

Is it possible for homosexuals to be homophobic?
I don’t mean in the ‘self loathing’ kind of way but in the usual Daily Nazi, conservative voting, builder kind of way?..
I find extremely camp men very hard to deal with. I think it’s the screaming but I can’t be sure. Also, why are this type of male usually best friends with the biggest slag on the planet? To me, the term ‘Fag Hag’ is synonymous with ‘Huge Slut’. (Often, they look like Dog The Bounty Hunter’s Wife) They can be found sat together in a gay pub bitching about what Bastards men are, when neither have had a date since 1997. For obvious fucking reasons!
The thing is, from my experience working in school, I know they are born like that. At this time of year, when there is the new intake, you can clock them straight (as it were) away! They are Eleven! It’s not like they have been sat watching Lily Savage and been honing their ‘camp’ skills for 4 years of bullying. It’s usually at school they acquire their first Fag Hag.. But even at that age I find they ‘grate’. Why? I, of all people, should be more tolerant. I just can’t do ‘screaming queens’!
I have also wondered about parents who came in to school complaining that their child was bullied because ‘they think he’s gay, he’s not you know’… Yes, he fucking IS! Are you stupid?
ATM reckoned she had always known about me. I think she was trying to be nice, a concept I find that VERY confusing in my Mother.
That just makes me even more pissed off with her! If she knew, why didn’t she tell me? Save me the horror of ‘going out’ with Terry Pearce. After our first ’proper’ kiss he told me he didn’t use toothpaste. Only Bicarbonate of Soda because his Granddad used it during the war! Great! It all went wrong when it became apparent I was better at football than him.

While I think about it and given the state of my short term memory! What are those bumpy bits around a female nipple and what is their point??

Well, one of the Housemates has a death wish. Today I found the kitchen roll in the same condition as the toilet roll.. I’ll smother you in your sleep and tell everyone you had a heavy cold if I find out which one of you it was! Bastards!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

You're gay?!? Why wasn't I told????

Ok, well that fell flat.

If you think about all kinds of public buildings that are named after ppl, very few of them are named after women. I have noticed that in large heaping quantities since I've been here. The only female who ever gets anything named after her is the BVM.

Ah..you are so right about being able to tell what the end product is going to be when you meet the little buggers at age eleven.

Oh, Dog's wife is FABulous, but yeah, know what you mean. There is prolly a lost tribe of ultrafags hidden in her cleavage.

Ah yes, the bumpy bits around the nipple, I thought they were something to do with milk production.

You know how straight men all think they can turn lesbians straight? Maybe you turned Tezzer Pearce gay. Can I have this one ? I think I can feel a story coming on......

Anonymous said...

Fag Hags nto heard that one before lol

Sleepy said...

All yours for the story Schnee!

I have to admit to having a facination with Dog's Missis! She had a stringy, strappy thing on the other day that made her look like a bit of rolled pork!

@Anon... Really?