I am considering starting up a business.
Dial-O-Munch.
Had a surprise delivery of greenery last night. It has been so long I was totally wrecked. The guy who brought it round isn’t my usual supplier. He had a guitar shaped bag with him and said,
‘Do you want to look at my bass?’.
I immediately presumed this was some ‘hip’ euphemism for something and exclaimed,
“Certainly NOT!“. He looked totally confused and tentatively pointed to the guitar shaped bag.
He has long blond, curly hair which he held out from the side of his head and told me how his brother was going to get him some ‘straightners‘. With the very next breath he said,
“People think I’m Camp”. Total ‘Stream of Consciousness’ shit!
I replied,
“Really?” I had my straightest face on.
Irony and sarcasm flew over his head, without ruffling his soon to be straight hair.
By 1.11am, I’d run out of fags and had a yen for a box of chocolate fingers. That’s when Dial-O-Munch came to me. How nice would it be, to be able to phone or text a number and those items would be delivered to your door? Pints of milk, some rizlas and a toilet roll would be handy too.
My Grandfather used to use the local taxi service to bring him bottles of Scotch. My Aunt had him on rations!
When you went to visit him, he gave you bags of empties to take away with you. So she wouldn’t find them.
Housemates.. Whoever sneezed in the shower and ‘lost’ the result. (It better be a fucking ’sneeze’ or there WILL be violence!)
Never fear, I fucking found it, you dirty bastard.
Getting rid of it made me retch.
This obviously unbalanced me slightly and I had that other ablutions worry I hate. That is the momentary panic halfway through cleaning my teeth, when I think,
“This ISN’T my toothbrush!”
So, my gag reflex has been totally overworked. Thankfully it WAS my toothbrush.
Also, did everyone have toast this morning? Or have Hansel and fucking Gretel wandered through the kitchen during the night?
14 comments:
Mate, that sounds ultra nasty. That is nasty beyond nastiness; the pinnacle of all that is nasty on this world and the next! I DO hope that I was snot.
On the munch thing: apparently, such a service exists in parts of Scotland, a kind of mobile off-licence. Point being, it doesn't exist down here! Licensing may be a problem? Worth looking into.
Good point! Those shops may have some kind of carriage licence??? A Scot I met on an INSET told me the scam. Apparently, they will deliver fags and booze. No reasons why you can't add munch to the list, a complete mobile pub service.
Alternatively, just stick with the mobile corner-shop idea. I can see it now:
----Ever get the feeling that the shop around the corner is "oh so close, but yet so far"? Worry not, Mobile Munch services will deliver your late night needs direct to your door. Cigarettes, soft drinks, crisps and confectionary etc...----
Right! You are in charge of marketing...
Where is Dr Sassy when we need her? and her business skills!
lol, crisps! You wouldn't have any stock left. Let the uncontrollable compulsive eating commence!!
We'll throw in a few nuts and seeds for the Body Nazis!
Got a push bike!
Stoners would invest in us!
Mmmm... Must remember to ponder this in an un-stoned state!
dial-o-munch; isn't that idea been taken by Tesco Home Delivery/Dominoes Pizza.
still, cant allow them to have a monopoly in that market can ya?
id work for you
Sassy.. Tis true, the bike maybe a bit too far!
How many times have you run out of milk and thought 'Fuck, a delivery would be ideal'?
Badger.. Do they bring Maltesers, pringles and rizla?
Job's yours!
It’s a fucking awesome idea and I think you should devote more than fleeting thoughts too it. I had a car in mind, not a bike. As for the market, keep it simple (cigs, crisps, sweets and students THAT’S IT). After hours only or part time?? Not sure, we will need to develop this more. In the first instance it may not be a primary source of income.
My next-door neighbour in London is the accountant for a tutoring agency. The business was setup by a fulltime teacher over 30 years ago. He started off by only taking calls between 18:00-21:00. Slowly, he managed to make enough money to take on the job full time, broadening his availability and, therefore, clientele. Today it is the second largest home tutoring agency in Greater London.
Big Sam and Terry? Jeez! Girl, you are frightening me now..
It's definately worth checking out. Would need some protection though, would be dodgey alone,at night, with cash in this town!
An un-stoned state? What's that?
Your green room man could give you his contacts, I reckon in Pompey that's a pretty HUGE market.
Big Sam? Whose that? Is it Big Sam Fox?
Is Sassy back from the wilderness now? I'm gutted she didn't make it Saturday night.
Mobile Munch-ups is a brilliant idea. I think you should use a rickshaw-type thing, bike with thing at the back with supplies. Or a little Vespa, you don't need a licence for one a them.
Schnee... I am Road Rage incarnate as a passenger. Imagine that transfered on to a Vespa!
An Italian Tragedy waiting to happen.
Sam Fox eventually came out of the closet!!
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