Housemates… Has one of you got a serious Blue Peter habit?
Today, I have thrown away 6 toilet roll innards. It doesn’t take a lot of energy to put them in the bin. It is right next to the toilet, you can even do it while you are sat on the bog you lazy bastards.
The same with the various bits of soap that are the thickness of an After Eight mint. What the fuck can they be saved for?
I have had a revelation this evening.
I thought it was almost impossible to fuck up Mince but one of the housemates has proved me wrong. It was still in the ‘worm’ shapes of it’s raw state except it was rock hard. The sauce was suspiciously red and if I find out it came from a jar I will go fucking raving. Literally. Additives and I don’t mix well. Even Kenny the Cat wouldn’t eat it. What a criminal waste of food.
Today I had to go and buy a birthday present for a four year old girl. Does anybody else think that sending me to shop for a ‘Girlie’ girl was a bad idea? I fecking do!
I headed for WHSmith thinking, felt tip pens and colouring books, sorted. I ended up with a box of face painting shit, a box of arts and crafts shit and, believe it or not, a box of make up for little girls. Fucking make up, unbelievable. (Make up had been on the list of potential gift ideas her Father text to me.)
Then it happened.
I got stuck in a queue behind an old dear who was producing lottery tickets to be checked. She had hundreds and hundreds. They were pulled from her bag like those long lines of hankies that magicians produce from a sleeve. I was beating my head against the boxes I was holding and wondering if a rolled up Big Issue would be substantial enough to stove her skull in, when the store manager led me away and opened a till for me. An act of kindness I was so grateful for I could have kissed her. She was in with a chance until she smiled, revealing a head full of teeth that looked like Liquorish Allsorts. I’m partial to the round blue ones but that was a sweetie too far.
5 comments:
Sleepy - headed over this way via Karen and Janis' blog. Love your utter disdain for humankind. I think the wrinklies wait til they see you heading for the queue and then make a mad dash to line up ahead of you.
As for gifts for 4 year old girls - the father suggested makeup? What the hell??? The best gift I ever saw for another person's child was a bubble gum making kit. You even needed to use a pot and the stove to make it. I'm sure the parents were very happy. Only suggest buying gifts like that if you never want to have your own children.
Gail.. You are welcome!
I was contemplating a drum or a harmonica, but as they have just knocked another brat out into the world, I thought sleep deprivation would lead to violence! My nose is pretty mashed up already and wouldn't take another hiding.
Blue Peter habit...death wish more like.
I'm starting to come out of my coma now. Cya soon.
I thought the spaghetti is supposed to be worm-like, not the mince. Maybe it was just a momentary lapse in concentration!!!!
Crisp-e.. the spaghetti was fine in it's worm-like state, but how do you fuck up mince?
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