Random Thoughts On Tuesday

Stuff that happened, I was told or popped into my head on Tuesday.

Today, heaven is Helen Hunt in a wet tee shirt.
Hubba Hubba!
Thank you ‘As Good As It Gets’.

There was a queue in the Deli for cheese but Rue Albert Tesco was more or less empty.

Don’t go shopping with someone who is buying a ‘Secret Santa’ gift.
This exchange will give you an idea of how my brain works.

ME.. Do you like this person?
BUYER.. Why would that have anything to do with my choice. I’m getting her earrings.
ME.. Well, if you are not so keen on her just buy any shit worth a tenner and we can go to the Café Distress for a Vodka.
BUYER.. I said Coffee.
ME.. I heard Vodka.
BUYER.. She only wears small earrings.
ME.. What’s wrong with her ears then?
BUYER.. There’s nothing wrong with her ears! Why would you think there is something wrong with them?
ME.. If she wears little earrings she must not want to draw attention to them.
BUYER.. Her ears are fine!

Browsing, browsing, browsing.
Bored, bored, bored.
Owner/Friend appears.

O/F.. Hello! Hello!
ME.. J, for fuck’s sake sell her a pair of earrings for someone with sticky out ears, so I can go and have a Vodka.
O/F.. Are they really big ears?
BUYER.. Sleepy! For fuck’s sake! There is nothing wrong with her ears AND I said coffee.
ME.. I heard Vodka.

More browsing and locked cupboard opening.
At last earrings are selected, wrapped and paid for.

O/F.. They’re nice. Understated. Won’t draw attention to her ears.
BUYER.. There is nothing wrong with her ears!

We departed for the Café Distress.

BUYER.. Sleepy, you’re a cunt.

A five minute walk later, I had Vodka.

I had a real urge to find some of this this! It started when I was about six.
My childhood viewing totally primed me for magic mushrooms and LSD!
This is also from an era in my life when my diagnosis was ‘Hyperactive’ and they were drugging me with all the shit that was around before Ritalin.
My Grandmother’s Mogadon, also known as Nitrazepam, being a ‘privately’ administered top up to the prescribed shite.
The pills were crushed between two teaspoons, jam was put on one and the powder sprinkled on top.
Apparently, a dose that used to put my Nan out for 20 hours would give them a three hour respite from my incessant questioning, demands to be taken to the library, fire lighting and taking things apart.

Amazon packaging is NOT, ‘a perfectly acceptable form of Christmas wrapping’.
I have a vague recollection of being told this before.

I’ve cooked a huge saucepan of my Nan’s Red cabbage.
The smell soothes me and makes me feel happy.