Monday, June 29, 2009

The Rage

We have been promised a heat wave this week and so far, so good.
The Sleepy Mansions garden thermometer hit 37°C today.
This meant that Housemate Pat’s line of washing was dry at 11.00am but did she bring it in?
Did she fuck.
By four I’d had enough of it shading my plants and shouted at her window,
“How much fucking drier are you waiting for this shit to get?”
When she came to get it, I used the opportunity to air another gripe.
“I’ve wiped up the sticky shit you dropped all over the floor in front of the washer.”
She thanked me. Fucking thanked me!
“So you knew it was there then?”
“Oh yes” She said, and pissed off indoors.
It took so much self control not to run and smash her head in with the spade, I made myself feel physically sick.
I haven’t felt quite that violent in a long time, or so I thought.

The ante was upped, considerably.

As the good weather has made the Vine grow apeshit, I decided to make stuffed vine leaves.
I wanted to give them a good wash as I am unsure of the Kashrut status of Spider, Aphid and Lacewing.
Ironically, this is when I discovered the slime ridden Pork bones blocking the sink.
In a split second I WAS my mother.
Rage and spite made flesh.
A primal scream that was part growl just began to well up in me and it couldn’t be contained.
Letting it out, I started beating and kicking the cupboard doors all the way around the kitchen.
(When ATM used to do this my sister and I called it ‘Drumming’ or ‘Mother’s gone a bit Keith Moon’!)
I did the only thing I could do, which WASN’T beating her until I was too weak to continue with something Le Creuset have made; I wrapped them in kitchen roll and left them outside her room.
She knows how I feel about pig products.

Anyway, here are the Dolmades!


10 comments:

Crisp-e said...

She probably didn't realise that sheets dry quickly on hot days. The same way she thinks that solids wont block a sink.

Word Ver: copsub - a policeman's sandwich

Sleepy said...

She comes from fucking Malaysia! She's got to be more au fait with heat than this pasty Northern European!

Crisp-e said...

That is assuming she was compus over there. She certainly hasn't proven herself thus far.

Sleepy said...

Harsh, but true!

Schneewittchen said...

Freaking hell! What the blazes is wrong with the woman? Even if you didn't not do pig, why would ANYONE in their right mind leave bones in the sink???? And how can anyone leave a sticky mess on the floor when they know it's there?
And 37º???? For goodness sake, that's CRAZY temperatures. No wonder the world's gone mad.

WV=mullica, seriously, there has to be a bad hair joke in there somewhere.

Some Chilean Woman said...

I think you did the right thing with the bones. But I am worried, has she picked them up yet?

Sleepy said...

Schnee.. It's all beyond me mate!

Mullica = The chosen haircut of Metallica fans

SCW.. Yes. They have gone!

Sassygril said...

Yeah, she will be much more familar with heat and humidity than we are - especially the humidity. But the facades you see in Malaysia and Singapore are just that. I don't know how to express it any better. And I reckon the incidents you are describing are maybe uncs acts of aggression. But hey :-)

Sleepy said...

Sassy.. Hahaha! Really? How cool! How do I make this aggression conscious?

Sassygril said...

Hers rather than yours. Your aggression is always delightfully and honestly conscious and direct. God, the heat is getting to me...I basically think that her actions towards you are aggressive - conscious or not. Doh.

WV grasta. Love it.