I was woken up in one of the worst possible ways this morning and after a piffling one hour and ten minutes of sleep.Kenneth the gobshite, freeloading, fucker of a feline not only sneezed full in my fecking face but straight in my open mouth.
That’s when I debunked a theory.
Cats DO NOT always land on their feet, especially if they become reacquainted with the floor via partial ceiling and a wall.
After launching him I fled, open mouthed, to brush my teeth and gargle.
I haven’t been overly friendly to the little ponce today and he has stayed right out of my way.
Which was good because I had a bit of a ‘moment’ with some secateurs.
‘Lightly prune apple trees’ said my book of garden everything.
Well, all I can say is thank Christ I’m not a hairdresser!
The apple has had the tree equivalent of a bowl cut and I don’t think it’s happy.
I spent the whole day outdoors and am a little bit sunburned.
It wasn’t that hot at 8am but by midday it was Scorchio.
Unfortunately, by noon I was covered in all manner of creatures, dirt, compost and shite; any attempt at applying sunscreen would have resulted in a hideous Black and White Minstrel homage.
I’m sure the tops of my ears can actually be seen on Google Earth!
Housemate Claire caught it a little bit worse and is an attractive lobster/magenta colour.
She assures me she’ll be back to white tomorrow without any hint that her Melanin has been troubled.
While I, on the other hand, fully expect to breakfast with a walking blister.
5 comments:
Kenneth looks so noble, true and handsome in that photo! A true lord of the local manor. Things a little tense with the big fella - an open exchange of views was shared last night which whilst being a good thing also means that one has to try and get things on an even footing today.
But it means I get taken out to dinner tonight :-)
How funny is that! To be woken up with cat slime and cat snot in your mouth!
I laughed out loud (note to myself, cat snot and slime in open mouth whilst sleeping). Great!!! I might use it.
I think that means you can do something really bad, since karma's already given you a darn good snotslime in the mouth.
Yer right about the heat, though there was a nice - but also warm - breeze about.
Middle Ditch... Mmmm.. I'm still feeling pretty hateful towards him!
Schnee... I feel karma owes me in some way. But thinking that has probably fucked up my karma!!
HaHaHaHa!
Cheers!
Good ol Ken, mad as ever. He would have to be to come near you after no sleep!!
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