Ping Pong

It took me ages to work out what was wrong with the Olympic Table Tennis.
No split across the centre of the table.
It would appear that we are shit at this sport.
Not just as a nation but as a continent.
I’d like to see it played at Olympic level the way the rest of us had to play it.

Firstly, the two players would have to have a fight over the only decent bat.
The winner will be chosen by ‘Someone’s Mum’ who will also extract the promise to swap over bats half way through.
If they are lucky enough to be drawn as the first match of the day they will get a ball that is round and actually bounces.
Later games are likely to be played with a ball that is partially square and has a pucker like an arsehole in it.
The net will fall down every time the ball hits it and 15 minutes of the game will be spent trying to make it stay up with lolly sticks and Wrigley’s.
If the ‘Good Bat’ is put down during this time, theft is perfectly acceptable.
The game ends when the first combatant cries, they are the loser or in technical parlance, “Over Tired”.

Play it like that and we’re in with a chance.
We could get that sorted for 2012 and wouldn’t even have to build anything.
Butlins at Bognor Regis is already set up for it.