Friday's utter cunt award goes to....
ME!
The neighbours behind have let the bottom of their garden grow wild.
So wild that it has blocked the alley to my gate, is growing into my garden and is robbing my sunlight.
I attacked it with shears.
Savagely attacked it; and now the bottom of my garden enjoys the sun again.
I piled the mound of cuttings outside their back gate and phoned the council to complain about the blocked alley.
What a cunt!
When I went out to enjoy my work I noticed that I’d cut through their washing line which had been attached to my pole!
Cuntage complete!
Then, the instant frigging Karma.
Sassy had come round to have a look at my efforts and as I quietly opened the back gate for a bit of gloating, I found myself face to face with the ‘Gloatee’.
Fuck!
She took it very well considering she had come home to find her laundry all over the ground.
Saturday’s complete twat award goes to……
ME!
The wooden garden furniture was starting to look a bit ropey so I thought I’d tart it up a bit.
Creosote works fine on the back gate, why wouldn’t it work on chairs?
It doesn’t because it takes fucking eons to dry.
Crisp-e came round and has dealt with the tortoise which has been ‘rotting’ down in the garden.
He kindly cleaned the skull to present to me and even suggested wearing it around my neck.
A line had to be drawn.
“You sick cunt! This was my PET for over 30 years!”
Much laughter.
I won’t tell you what he wanted to do to one of the cats because even he realised that it was very wrong!
Today I have been to my Dad’s for his birthday and plant/seedling exchange.
I took over a selection of Tomatoes, Aubergines, Squash and Kohl Rabi.
I’ve returned with Turnips and Brussel Sprouts, not quite as exotic but I’ll give them a go.
This is him demonstrating what you do when you decide your feet are, “too fuckin’ hot”.
The reason you would have buckets of water hanging around the garden?
1. It’s not good to put cold water on your plants.
2. Leaving the water out for a few days allows the fluoride and other crap that is put in it to ‘burn’ off.
1 comment:
Ah...the fluoride thing is true, we have to have a special bucket of water at work that just stays still so the fluoride can float away, for use in all the reptile tanks. Personally I use water out of the tap, and the snakes in my office seem to be flourishing.
Mrs. Backing onto the alley bloody deserves it. You did her a favour.
I think Helmut's helmet should house some small plant in the garden, just like pothead planter.
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