Germs, Death And Friends

This morning I went to the 8.30 or The Coughing and Spluttering Mass.
It being the geriatric liturgy they were very polite and put their hands over their mouths.
Hands which later, would be held out to me for the sign of peace.
It struck me as being a bit unsanitary so I started my own coughing fit to keep them away.
The lady along the pew from me sounded like bouncy castle deflating as she breathed.
I was already pressed up hard against the end of the seat and couldn’t get any further away.

I clocked this a couple of days ago but it’s taken a while to get bounced around my stoned head.
What an amazing job title THAT is?
Exorcist in Chief!
I have a bible, a candle and I could rustle up a bell from somewhere.
It is now up there, with Black Rod, as my ideal job.
I think I may be getting a lot of work in Spain…….. Among the fucking Clergy, if the end of this article is anything to go by.

I was sad to hear that Joe Dolan had died.
Until recently I couldn’t work out why I loved this song so much or HOW I knew the words.
I was telling my uncle about it and he started laughing his head off.
Apparently it was the first record he ever bought.
He and ATM played it to death.
She was pregnant with me at the time. The uncle is now a solid believer that a baby can be influenced from outside the womb.

The Vancouver bunch paid us a final visit today.
Thank you so much for spending a few of your last, hectic, hours with us.
Much appreciated.

I made the fucking hideous mistake of watching Snow Dogs.
(Waiting for football)
I cried like a baby!
Families reuniting gets me every time but add hounds to the mix and I’m a snivelling, snotting wreck.
This one was the worst yet!