The New Year celebrations have been a pissed up affair.
I have bruises in places I imagined couldn’t be bruised!
Backs of my hands, wrists, inside of my right knee, right buttock, right elbow and a goose egg on the back of my head.
I slipped and fell coming out of next door.
By the bruise pattern I’d argue it was a right sided fall!
Why I imagined that the front of their house would be any less treacherous than mine, I blame on Famous Grouse.
There was a dog at next door’s New Year celebration.
A Yorkie.
The kind of dog that grows from the armpit of an old lady.
Usually, with a fecking bow in it’s ‘hair’.
These kinds of dogs don’t have ‘Fur’.
This thing was no different.
Its owner took it to the dinner table with her.
I swear, she sat down with a plate full of food and the fucking dog in her lap.
It was, also, one of those dogs that snap at you. Trying to bite you all the time.
A Yapper type dog.
Being the only smoker I went to the garden and was asked to take the dog for a slash.
Not a problem.
Again, the thing tried to bite me.
People, being unaccompanied, I gave it a ‘backhander’.
In fact, that’s a lie.
I twatted it down the garden so hard it looked like a hairy bowling ball.
Unsurprisingly, it didn’t come near me for the rest of the night.
When it got near, and brave enough, to bite me, I was too quick and it bit its owner!
It was a beautiful moment.
I always ask what the ‘purpose’ of a breed is.
Greyhounds hunt, Collies round up your sheep, Jack Russell’s get rats and rabbits etc.
From what I can work out, this thing has no fecking purpose at all.
Other than sitting on a lap.
Happy New Year!
5 comments:
That dog's behaviour is inexcusable and down to its silly owner. It's the kind of habit that gets corrected when a puppy because if its left, it is much harder to correct - but still not impossible to do so. The labrapoodle over the road from me was a nipper and the family sorted it out really quickly. Lo and behold, you have a gorgeous, friendly dog. This kind of thing really pisses me off because it seems to me that the owner just expects people to take viscious behaviour from their pets (oh dear...I am sounding a tad hypocritical here given the bite you were given by one of the grils...but it was in love...she told me so herself...). If that little shit of a dog bites a small child without provocation, you can quite legitimately expect parents to ask for it to be put down. If it had been a larger dog, it would have been by now.
There. First spazz of the year.
Whoo Hoo! I'm glad I got the first spazz!
You are totally correct though about training.
The trouble is I'm not very good with little dogs.
I can't understand their point.
I would never deliberately hurt an animal, ever, but I wasn't having that.
And why should you? I am very glad that the miserable beast bit its owner. Nice bit of retribution.
I loved the story you told me about the collie who used to round up children in the playground. Talk about habits dying hard! Hilarious.
And why would you want some Paris Hilton handbag dog? Just why?
....and cats are different.
There's NO training a cat!
Tell me. I've tried to get them to develop basic tea making skills but to no avail...
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