The Past, The Ridiculous And The Present

The lack of smokes drove me out of the house at 8.30am and into the hell that is the ‘School Walk’.
Women, kids, pushchairs and in some cases, dogs, all trying to walk on the same patch of pavement.
I also bumped into the poor bastard who attempted to teach me German.
I couldn’t remember his name because we always called him Penfold.
He looked like the character from the DangerMouse cartoon.
He clocked me straight away.
“Morning Sleepy”
Gobsmacked, I replied,
“Morning Sir”.
Sir? Sir?
What happened there!? When did I get fucking polite?

With the benefit of hindsight the guy was amazing.
He would start writing on the board using his left hand, when he got to the middle; he swapped and continued with his right.
His writing didn’t alter in the slightest.
All the while we would be catapulting chewed paper pulp at the board with metal rulers stolen from Metalwork.
Even with all that crap spattering around him he never missed a beat.
We also used to rob his ciggies!
What bastards we were.

George W arrived in Israel today.
With 5 helicopters, a convoy of cars and his own bodyguard.
I wonder who pays for that.
The American or the Israeli taxpayer?
I suppose it's something... He could have turned up with a fecking Army!
I will give up my citizenship of the human race if that prick manages to negotiate peace in The Holy Land.
I truly will.
An Irony like that is just TOO much to take on board.
If he could succeed, where people who can string a sentence together have failed, would be SO wrong.

Sassy came for dinner and we have put the world to rights.
We have laughed lots. Imbibed a beverage or two.
Slagged off Newcastle United for what they have done to our beloved Sam.
Done our bonding thing without having to punch anyone in the arm, speed drink or touch our genital areas.
Although, Housemate Claire informed us, that now she is healing from her surgery, they have put her nipples ‘back on’ wrong.
They have been rotated through 45 degrees.
Who knew that would make a difference?
I thought as long as the nerves were all re-attached, you’d be sound.
Apparently not.
It feels different.
This is news I could have lived without, but in the spirit of sharing and science….

We have listened to music, incorporating Sassy’s ‘Musical OCD’.
Which involves playing one song over and over again.
Fortunately, I can relate to this specific form of madness, as I had had the same song on ‘repeat’ earlier.
I have managed to whack my funny bone.
Fecker!
Twice, in the same place, and am not best pleased.
Gin and coffee soon had me back on track.
Schnee, it was your kind of girls night mate!
Gail would have loved it too!

All things considered.
A good day.