I am loving this. One day last week the Bishop of Southwick phoned the police and complained he had been mugged. It was reported on the news and seemed quite serious. I must admit I pissed myself laughing when the very serious radio 4 reporter said,
‘the Bishop’s head was so swollen he couldn’t wear his Mitre’. Classic!
It turns out he wasn’t mugged but absolutely pissed. A couple had found him in the back seat of their Mercedes flinging out all of their kid’s toys. When asked his name he said,
‘I’m the Bishop of Southwick. It’s what I do’.
All the stuff he thought had been stolen was left in the back of the car.
One of the papers tells us he had been to the Irish Embassy for some sort of party.
Ahhhh.. That explains it!
EVERYBODY knows if you spend more than an hour with the Irish you will be pissed or at least well on your way!
I think I know what happened.
Embassy staff saw the Dog Collar and just kept the booze coming.
In my experience, Catholic clergy can drink. And I mean DRINK.
One of the Housemates has an uncle who is a Priest, he can put away a bottle of Whiskey in a sitting and still say Mass.
Protestant clergy aren’t so hardy! What does the occasional sherry prepare them for? Nothing. Especially not the Irish!
Now everybody is calling for him to make a statement. What would absolutely make it for me, is if he stood up and said the words at least 90% of us have uttered,
“I went out with some Irish mates and they got me fucking wankered! I don’t know how I got home, I’ve left my fucking mobile somewhere, lost my glasses and I’m covered in bruises!. Excellent night!!”
Fortunately for us, what we did in that state comes back to us gradually over a few days. This poor bastard gets it splashed across all the headlines!
Where’s the crime? He got pissed. He wasn’t curb crawling (unless you count him falling over in the gutter) he wasn’t chasing choir boys or worrying sheep.
Think about the most embarrassing thing you have done whilst drunk….. Got it? Right, would you want it in the paper?
Give the guy a break.
10 comments:
A1. Totally. You go drinking with the Irish and this is what happens. Everybody knows this simple fact of life so why not smile induglently and pass the liver salts. And how journalists can have the front to get all moralistic and affronted about a piss up is beyond belief.
What is wrong with this picture??
Ireland is the only place I have been where a hangover has been greeted with sympathy.
None of that holier than thou shit, just offers to get you a cup of tea or hair of the dog.
Because it is natural, it is a way of life, it happens. My sister loves to see me pissed and always mentions Christmas pissed activities I have engaged in over the years - and I am happy to have given her this joy. Where's the harm? Most of us when we've had a few aren't causing any bother to anyone. In fact we're boosting the Chancellor's coffers. I don't throw up in people's gardens (well, not any more), leer at passing men (I mean, what's to leer at?) or start fights. I am a happy slightly raucuous version of myself.
Unless Bolton lose.
That is SO true!
You are a great drunk to be around.
Unless Bolton lose.
la stupenda? Who dat? It's been a while since I last visited!
On the bishop thing, I never heard that story. How embarrassing. I myself have had a very boring drunken history. I've been very lucky in that I normally fall asleep before I do anything embarrassing. I ALWAYS remember the night before! How dull is that?
Word verification (I shit you not): KUNTWR
Crisp-e... La Stu is Sassy! She has had an 'extreme blogover'
Yeah, you fall asleep on the table which provides me with the opportunity to decorate your head with board markers!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I liked sassy. Sassy is short, sharp and sweet. The name has a simple panache to it. No like new name (sulking!).
Yeah, you did draw on my head!!!! I refer my honourable friend to the verification word I gave earlier!!
Sleepy me old china, top post mate, top post.
I'm sure any bloke can relate to the terrible predicament of their head being so swollen they can't wear their mitre.
Did you know (you probably did, 'twas prolly you as told me) that there are more Irish living abroad at this moment than have ever lived in Ireland in all its history. Or some such nonsense. It's cos they can never find their way back from the pub. Never, ever. A lot of them live over here, in fact tis only because of the great nation of Saint Paddy that we have any pubs at all over here.
God bless 'em.
Crisp-e needs a slapping for calling you a KUNTWR, I never heard the like.
Crisp-e.. I have to agree, Sassy is a great name and I think we should just carry on calling her that.
Schnee.. He has called me a lot worse than that!
The swollen head bit had me in stitches for ages and ages!
Word verification.. crispeisatwat.. No, really.. ;)
I confess, Sassy got into all kinds of problems with the techno so had to be 'replaced' blog wise with La Stu. But the Sass still remains. Kicking.
We should launch a campaing for the bish tho'...send messages of support and a hair of the dog.
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