Being an insomniac is a lonely existence. You only get to interact with people for a short space of time. Then they go to bed.
Rubbing your nose in their ability to sleep.
Some will even give you examples of epic slumbers they have had in the arms of Morpheus.
“Yes, the tree came straight through the window and I slept through it!”
Or they come out with the line that makes me want to break their nose,
“I NEVER have trouble sleeping. Head hits the pillow and I’m gone”
I am sure there is someone in the ‘great beyond’ telling someone else,
“Yeah, I was on the Titanic. Slept right fucking through it, me. Didn‘t even hear the band”
Well, fucking bully for you. Twat! How is that helping me?
This afternoon I was so tired my eye sockets ached and I felt sick.
The other day I made a comment about ‘Extreme Makeover’.
Well, I need to revisit it.
I was waiting for CSI and watched an episode. I want to know how many of the newly ‘made over’ have blown their partners out afterwards? Especially when they realise they can do so much better now.
Come on people lets not be shy about this.
The partners of these people are fucking monsters too. They need to do people as a couple otherwise there are going to be tears.
In this one a guy had lost 200lbs in a year. He had loads and loads of baggy skin just hanging around waiting for a burger and pizza relapse.
When they took him back to his loved ones we got a squint at the wife. She was fucking enormous. Another half inch in any direction and she would have been perfectly round. Verucca Salt style.
It was obvious to me that future fornication for these people was going to be a logistical nightmare. Not that I’m a great expert on the practicalities of Heterosexual intercourse!
HOW do you people DO it? There you go..
I’m sure that’s not the second or third question most of you are asked when you introduce your partner to people.
Turning you into an unwitting ambassador for your lifestyle choice.
Strangely, it’s usually some married, middle class, middle aged woman who asks. Especially when they’ve got a few drinks on them. Most will tell you of a ‘crush’ they had in school and that they have thought about ‘it’ a few times. Eeeesh!
Welcome to my world.
14 comments:
No, true, but I am always asked about the age difference, which for me and Kev is actually similar to the age difference for several of my lesbian couple friends, just they never get asked. Still, admittedly less intrusive than
'How do you do it?'
Although now that I'm on a roll, there are aspects of heterosexual sex that even I don't understand.
For example, the 'doggy style' position - everytime you read a survey, women go, 'yeah, love it' but yet to me, thinking about the mechanics of it, how can it possibly work? Also, everyone seems to be into anal sex these days, which just makes my eyes water to even think about it, but again, how the hell do the mechanics of it work for a woman?
Fair point!
Extremely rude, where do people get off?
'Doggy Style' always makes me laugh because it looks SO ridiculous. Whoever is doing it! Rough on the knees too.
Anal..Yikes! Apparently, there are triple the nerve endings in your rectum.
Which accounts for my Dad's statement that,
'There is nothing so over-rated as sex, or as underated as a good shit'. Such a charmer!
Euwwww, people are SOOOO rude.
My mother had a very genteel view about sex and sexuality in that it was just bad manners to make judgements or pass comment. What consenting adults did in the bedroom was up to them - as long as people were not abused or hurt. Kinda meant that S&M was difficult for her to get her head round, but overall I see where she was coming from...
And BTW, your dad is great. I'm still laughing about the 'grunter'.
Sassy.. That is so sweet and Home Counties of your Mum!
Dad is a mine of little gems like that. Bless him.
Well, your mum had a point Sassy, and certainly I think asking about an actual person's sex life when you just meet them is simply bad manners, but in general I like that people are more open in talking about sex these days. Like, for your mum, S&M was prolly some kind of unknown dark force, but nowadays, it's just something that some people do, which I like.
Plus it's always fun to see Ashley Hames getting parts of his body pierced and hot wax poured on in Sin Cities reruns :)
Erm, I didn't mean that I like S&M, just that ppl can talk about it these days *blushes*
I was just about to jump all over that one when you clarified!
I have to admit that I can't get my head round the S&M thing. I don't equate being in pain or causing pain with sex/love.
Maybe it's because of childhood experiences, who knows.
At last, I managed to upgrade. Halleluiah!
Sex eh, the number one topic to get people talking. We Brits are so funny. Even in our so-called 'liberated' society, we still approach the topic with savvy and pragmatism.
Schnee, I will do my best to post on the weekend.
Crisp-e.. Other things were mentioned in my post you know!
Yeah, just following the trend.
You must make it clear which aspects you would like people to comment on. Lol
Arrrghhhh can now post! The neighbours weren't letting me get online! I blag my connectivity from them - which causes great guilt I can tell you.
Have you managed to get some kip yet, sleepy?
Got three hours.
Which is better than a poke in the eye with a shitty stick I suppose.
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