Freaks And Freebies

For some reason David Gest is on every conceivable TV show and he didn‘t even win ‘I‘m Celeb….’. He is quite possibly the strangest looking man I have ever seen.
Is that the result of plastic surgery? If so, what the fuck did he look like before?!!
Most people undertake plastic surgery with the hope that SOMETHING will look better. I’ve seen ‘Extreme Makeover’, nobody has ever gone on and said, ‘make me look like a balding, half-choked Pug dog, please’.

ATM always wanted to ‘have her eyes done’, whatever the hell that meant. There is no operation that could have made them less evil. That was what she planned to do with her inheritance once she had paid off debt. As far as I know, she got a new bathroom and my Step-Dad got his eyes lasered.
I’d probably have my nose done. Nothing changed, just put back. It’s been broken three times and looks a fucking mess. I can’t remember what it used to look like anymore and I’m always too stoned to recognise myself in photos.

One photo from my childhood really sticks in my mind.
It’s me, stood in the garden. I’m wearing a pair of blue/green cord trousers and a tee shirt. My fists are jammed into my pockets and I don’t look at all happy. In my hair are fucking ribbons! Ribbons, and my hair is in bunches. It’s obvious I’m furious.
I can’t remember the photo being taken, but when I look at the picture I remember the ‘feeling’, exactly.
I hated it. Hated the hair. Hated being made to pose for the photo. Hated it! (Thank G-d for nits!)
The photo was dated, I was three at the time.

Tomorrow, I’m off to spend my 40% off voucher from Threshers. The one that was meant for a select few, and everybody in the country has got! Bless Thresher, they are going to honour them.
Can’t help but think it is all a scam to stop us from going to France and stocking up. 40% off just gives us the booze at Euro prices. This way I only have to bimble up to Albert Road and not have to remember ‘please may I…’ and ‘Thank You’ in another language.