Not wishing to sound whiney, but,
“Where is the fucking snow I was promised?”.
Last night I listened as the weatherman guaranteed me some snow.
The computer graphics definitely showed flakes falling on my little island.
Not a fucking flake.
20 miles along the road, in Chichester, they have snow. Bastards.
We never get any of the ‘good’ weather here.
Schnee, the gritters were out in ‘anticipation’ of the snow.
Birds are now starting to wash up all along the coast.
Covered in oil and shite from that beached ship.
This has brought me to the conclusion that seabirds are fucking thick.
Blue Tits in one part of the country sussed out that if they pecked the tops off milk bottles they would get the cream. Within 48 hours (or something) Blue Tits all over the country were at it.
Morphic Resonance/Memory has been argued as the reason for it.
An Avian collective memory. Wonder what Jung would have made of that?
With this in mind, you’d think the Guillemots would have caught on.
Stay away from the black shit in the water, for fuck’s sake!
D the Dealer turned up unexpectedly. When I say ‘Dealer’, I use the term very loosely.
He rarely has anything to deal. He’s always waiting on this, that and the fucking other to happen. He smells like a wet dog, comes out with totally random statements and calls me ’Man’ all the time.
I inherited him from my brother.
Mmmm… Cheers for that one J!
Amazingly, today, he actually had something to ‘deal’! He swapped some greenery for the use of my printer.
He wanted to print a letter of complaint to his Landlord’s solicitor.
That’s when I started to get ’the bad feeling’.
He’s ex Mayhem and I didn’t hold out much hope for the letter.
Wanting to avoid an Instant Karma moment, I asked him if he wanted me to check it through.
So, I took out all the chav speak, swearing, text speak, the veiled threats, the not so veiled threats, added some punctuation and full sentences.
It was passable, he was happy and I am stoned!
Everyone’s a winner.
5 comments:
Hahaha, oh I can just imagine it - the letter that is.
Remember that book you had that drove you mad because it was full of bloody typos and bad grammar?
Once again, we have both vaguely blogged about similar things at the same time, my elephants and your bluetits (yes, I really did think long enough to stop myself typing 'and your tits') are really the same phenomenon.
I wonder if the seabirds are the same one who would swoop down on Mayhem at the end of break and hoover up all the junk? If they are then it would explain why they are so thick, they're eating the same crap that makes a lot of the kids there thick.
If you think about it, the behaviour's similar. They all pay to have their skin and flesh fried at the tanning booths, they don't acknowledge the existence of sun cream.
It used to drive me barmy when I was there that we hardly ever got any snow, it would all tip down on the South Downs; but I commend Portsmouth City Council for its gritting. True grit.
I kept that bastard book! Every fucking page, something was wrong.
The Dockyard Chickens at Mayhem used to hunt in packs.
Wisely.
The one of the funniest things I ever saw there, was a sandwich being snatched from a year 7's hand as he went to take a bite, by a hovering seagull!
Beautiful.
There better be snow tonight!
Yes ... Yess ... Yessss!
Orgasmic delight upinhere! I love it ... tits that aint blue from the cold or white from the snow ... As for the webbed individuals, I'm with ya there, pure idiots of the fowl variety! You've got genius, m'lass!
That letter, though, sounds like it was a real doozie ... just hoping you kept to the spirit if not the letter of the letter.
No snow here either, but we're purplish with the cold! If our weather guy would just stop winking or dancing around like a fucking lepreprick, then he might be able to read those damn meteorlogical whatever-they're-called ...
Lentenstuffe..
I'd like to think the letter kept it's general feel of malice, mingled with polite grammar.
A bit like writing kid's reports!
There'd better be some snow tonight!
Tee heee...thick birds. Love it.
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