“Imagine music so relaxing, so pure…” you’ll want to commit fucking murder!
There you have the K-tel ‘Tranquillity’ collection.
A TEN cd compilation of some of the crappiest music on earth played on obscure instruments.
Insomnia meant I was awake for one of the adverts and they are very wrong if they think it ‘Soothes’.
Chariots of fucking Fire played on empty milk bottles, the bagpipe version of Everything I do, Christ No!
It makes me feel violent, just like ‘relaxation exercises’ do.
I’ve lost count of the number of INSET days, some idiot who had no idea what it was like in a classroom, recommended ‘Calming Music’ and relaxation bollocks as a tool for getting psychopaths to stay in the room.
It drives them mental!
They want Ritalin salt licks, straightjackets and anti-psychotics.
Today I have learned you have got to be brutal in the cull of self seeded tomatoes.
Get ‘em young and uck ‘em out.
If you leave it too late you feel like an abortionist.
Chopping them back while they are flowering is just about bearable but if they have little green tomatoes on, the guilt is horrible.
In preparation for being sucked into a black hole at midday I ’phoned my Dad.
I haven’t seen or spoken to him since May and didn’t relish an eternity stuck with him whining, “You never phoned”.
I used that as my opener.
Luckily, Dad has a sense of humour and we had a good chuckle!
I have drunk the really good wine I got from France, the £20 Chablis!
No way I’m leaving that for the cockroaches and bees.
Cooked my version of Middle Eastern lamb, which has a touch of Eastern Europe about it. (Dill pickles and that’s all I’m saying!)
Yummers!
Go on CERN! Let’s get it on!
3 comments:
OHMYGOD, is K-Tel still going? Still those ads don't compete with the lame bloody collections they advertise over here, along the lines of Johnny Cash played on those Peruvian pipe things. Sheesh.
talking self-seeded. When I was a kid there was a flash flood during high summer and several streets of terraced houses suffered a few feet of water and blown sewers. The next year there were millions of tomato plants growing out of every crack, crevice and patch of earth - the result of all that sewage and salad season (this was the '70s when everyone ate salad during the summer).
I thought it was pretty cool. ( I was about 8, and easily impressed )
schnee.. Sadly, yes.
richard.. I seem to remember spending the whole summer of '76 naked and eating so much beetroot my pee changed colour!
The sewage farms have amazing tomatoes!
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