I have Munchies Remorse.
I sat and scoffed a 150g bar of Galaxy last night and feel like a total fat bastard today.
Housemates, tell me, how the fuck does a Vacuum cleaner break itself.
When I used it before I went away, over a week ago, it was fine, now it’s fucked.
The strange thing is the house is a fucking shithole.
NO ONE has used it downstairs because none of you ever fucking do!
The hallway resembles a leafy woodland trail through the New Forest.
SO, how does the hoover break itself?
I was going to the Deli, so to educate/freak her out again I wore my ‘Girls Who Do Girls’ Tee shirt this time.
It was the way she said ‘Juniper seeds?’ with a look of disgust and the expression of, “what they hell do ‘they’ DO with them” that got me giggling.
I love the look on her face and her attempts not to touch me, it’s brilliant.
I’m amused by the idea that I’m infectious.
I can see the headline in the paper, “An outbreak of Dyke at a local Deli!”
As I left I bumped into the octogenarian lesbian who accosted me in Somerfield a few months back.
Do you see why I hate leaving the house? Do you?!
Before I knew it her arm was through mine and she was trundling me along, chatting away.
Resigned to my fate this time, I took her shopping said ‘Going home Miss H?’ and walked her back.
She squeezed and rubbed my bicep the whole way then tapped her cheek for a kiss as I tried to get away.
Apparently, ‘I’m lovely’ and she’s told her ‘friend’ about me.
Eeesh. Kill me.
On the way to my own home I was soaked to the skin by a frigging Monsoon.
Huge sheets of rain from a blue sky.
I decided to cheer myself up with a bit of curry cooking which all went well until I got chilli in my eye.
I forgot to dip my fingers in olive oil before chopping and am really pissed off with myself.
Another three and a half pounds of tomatoes were picked along with half a kilo of beans.
I’m sick of beans.
It’s The Tudors tonight. I hope they get rid of Anne this episode, she started to really get on my tits last week.
Have a good week people.
I’m going on walk-about for a while.
If I have your address, make up the spare room and be worried!
3 comments:
Woohoo!!!!!
My spare room is ready!
Vaccuum cleaners, like other household appliances, spontaneously develop artificial intelligence and it freaks them out so they kill themselves.
I hated the Tudors and I stopped watching it in protest against the lack of even attempt at historic...well, anything. Also, that pillock, Rhys Meyer or whatever his name is.
Yeah, I'm trying to look past the historical inaccuracies.
It pisses me off that they portray Mary (later Bloody Mary) as some great beauty.
She wasn't.
She was more like Kathy Burke than anybody.
Oh and...you know your T-shirt that says 'Known Homosexual'? You should up the ante and get one that says, 'Notorious Homosexual'. You could have them in ever increasing magnitude, I'm just not sure what the pinacle would be. 'Homosexualissima' perhaps.
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