Lot's Chavs

Anyone who knows me will know I’m not a ‘handbag’ person.
The polar opposite in fact.
So you can imagine my surprise when I received the pictured bag as a Secret Santa gift.
However, the sentiment on the bag is spot on!
It’s plastic and won’t degrade so I decided to put it to a ‘green’ use.
Now it is home to a Trailing Lobelia!

This afternoon I had an experience that I would count as being ‘Particularly Pompey’.
I’ll set the scene.
3.50pm at a busy traffic crossroads.
Him.. Skinny, tattooed, white teeshirt, blue tracksuit trousers and white trainers.
Heroin Chic.
Her.. Small, dumpy, clothes a size too small and looks twenty years older than she probably is.
Turkey Twizzler Chic.
Both reek of booze.
His name seemed to be, “Please Babe” and hers was “You Thick Shit”.
This had to be shouted right in her ear.

I just knew they would be going my way and tried to let them get ahead of me.
Unfortunately the constant stopping to scream, “You Thick Shit” was slowing them down and I started to catch up.
The trick in these situations is to make no eye contact, with either of them.
This is difficult because she, in particular, will be trying to catch your eye.
He will be looking at you to see if there is any kind of sympathy for her or judgement for him.
Either could end up with you being dragged in to the situation.

Here is where you adopt what I call ‘Deaf Man’s Stare”.
Your face has to be devoid of expression and you stare at a point 100 metres in front of them.
Pretending you can't hear a word.
Most importantly keep walking and don’t look back.
This is the most dangerous time.
He will be waiting for that glance over your shoulder.
This is when he is likely to strike with the,
“What! What are you fuckin’ lookin’ at? You fuckin’ want some?”
Remain strong, think of Lot and DO NOT look back!