After 15 packets of Nag Champa, several kilos of Soda Crystals, temper tantrums and doing everything I could think of with the sink without actually taking it apart; the general aroma of something decomposing in the house became to much and the ‘Professionals’ were contacted.
Sleepy Mansions is a Victorian building, built in what used to be a swamp.
Excellent planning.
Over the years shite has shifted, settled and caused the house to lean a little bit to the right.
(The left when you are leaving!)
Being my father’s daughter, I had long ago clocked that the drainage piping would have been ‘leaned’ on and given their age, possibly cracked.
So when British Gas offered a yearly insurance for drains, sewers and all that nastiness, without looking, I nearly had their arm off.
They were contacted and sent me a Dynorod ‘Man’.
I use the term Man loosely, as in one sentence he had a four octave range.
Last heard when the Big little brother was 12!
I’d accidentally discovered the problem an hour before he arrived but let him go through his routine.
This involved stating that he couldn’t smell anything.
(Given his job, I’m sure it’s a bonus!)
Flushing both toilets several times.
Turning on the kitchen tap.
Then he explained the problem was,
“Further Down”
How they would dig up my floor, cut out pieces of pipes, put a camera down and ascertain the problem.
He was making his way to the door when I suggested he look at the kitchen drain.
People, it was filth.
There was a ball of congealed fat the size of a Space Hopper.
“That’ll be your problem”
He sagely informed me.
“You fucking think?”
Was my reply.
It’s sorted.
At last, Sleepy Mansions smells as it should.
Cannabis reigns supreme!
Oh No! Who is giving this bloke advice?
Year 8?
4 comments:
See now, there is definitely lottery money for training youths, you should totally be due some.
Will it be back-dated?!
I am actually really glad that you've sorted the drain issue out. Not that I could smell anything untoward...but it makes you feel easier and, as you say, it enables your pad to smell as it should. Esp given all the cleaning you've been doing recently.
Been trying to emulate your cleansing example. Knackered.
Britain, Britain, Britain, where 'cleaning' actually means cleaning and not just tidying up. Makes me feel all fresh and lemony just to think about it.
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