I attended my first ever Non-Religious funeral.
I always thought that’d be the kind of thing I would go for.
It’s not.
I’ve surprised myself and decided I want a little bit of ritual.
Lovely things were said, nice music played and poems read but to me it didn’t feel like we had ‘sent her off’, it didn’t feel right.
She was also in a coffin that looked like a picnic basket.
Apparently it’s rude to ask if there are plates in the lid or if there is a Tupperware lining!
I considered them perfectly justified seeing as I had just had to endure Il Divo singing My Way.
Another thing I had never seen before were people taking photos of the coffin.
It struck me as a bit macabre and I wondered where you would display snaps like that.
Brighton was fucking freezing.
It was sunny but didn’t seem to warm up at all during the day.
I always forget how frigging hilly it is too.
The Wake was like no Wake I’ve ever been to.
They usually live up to the stereotype,
“What’s the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunken Irishman.”
This had to be the most abstemious send off I’ve ever been to.
When they eventually let us in to the pub (they forgot we were coming) I bowled up to the bar and got a double Brandy in.
I was cold!
She then served up 40 teas and coffees while I disappeared for a smoke and tried not to look like a total piss head.
Then there were the old people who were convinced they knew me.
I get this a lot. I’ve got one of ‘those’ faces.
One old bloke even put his arm round me, pulled me in to a circle of coffin dodgers and said,
“I can’t remember the last time I saw this one”.
Looking for help from the people I DID know was pointless, they were all cracked up in a corner, waving.
I told the Oldies there was a Whiskey for the first one who could remember who I was and got the hell away from them.
My most hated advert at the moment is the one that goes on about ‘Restoring the balance of natural vaginal flora’.
Fucking Flora? There’d better not be!
Flora is foliage for Christ’s sake, unless, of course I have misunderstood the use of the word Bush for all these years.
Possible, but unlikely!
5 comments:
...is that where the phrase 'ladygarden' comes from.
( mental picture of Elizabethan knot garden with topiary and herb border)
You see, you can run but you can't hide from your inner Jew/Catholic. Am around today having had manic last few days - need to have a little 'me' time before I run out of money and clothes...
Richard.. Ladygarden! Hahaha! I hadn't thought of that one!
Sassy.. You? Run out of clothes? Impossible!
And yeah, surprized myself a bit with wanting to have a bit of relegion at the end.
If I would have seen a coffin that looked like a picnic basket I would have taken pictures too.
Better flora than fauna methinks.
Ah, Brighton. Ah, the seedy underbelly. I honestly didn't find it cold yesterday until the evening, but hilly, oh yes'm. Not as bad as San Fran though, it must be said.
Sorry I missed you too Sassy.
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