Pruned

The disgustingly good weather and guilt drove me into the gardens and grounds of Sleepy Mansions.
I decided to ‘prune’ things and have totally brutalised the Grape Vine. Discovered Rhubarb though.
I’ll be surprised if I haven’t banjaxed it completely.
Any normal person, realising their mistake, would have put down the shears then, not I!
I waded into the apple trees.
Basically, everything in my garden looks like that kid at school, whose untrained, eccentric Mum, cut their hair.

Why is it that your own cat never seems to recognise you when you are in the garden?
Mine always look really shocked to see me and get all scatty if I go near them. Tossers.
Stuff is happening out there.
Things are budding, or they were until I opened the back door, took a lungful of spring day and decided pruning needed no training.
It’s Spring and thankfully it’s quite forgiving.

The Rice Crispies advert is annoying the arse off of me.
A kid is sat at the breakfast table with a few grains of Basmati in her hand and asks Mum why it doesn’t pop.
Mum, all dressed, showered, bright and cheerful, gives her a perfectly rational reason.
This encourages the precocious little bitch, and she asks another question.
This is the point where I have to suspend belief.
She gets an equally pleasant response to that too.
Amazing!

ATM would have been stood, if up at all, in oversized tee shirt, sporting hair that had been mysteriously back combed during the night, cup of coffee in one hand and a Peter Stuyvesant Blue smouldering, like her ire, in the other.
The first question wouldn’t have been heard because she would have been too busy seething at being awake.
The second would have got,

‘SHUT UP! And eat your breakfast!
Don’t think you are wasting milk by throwing that down the sink and don’t think I’m driving you if you’re late.
Questions? How can you have questions at this time of the morning?
Have you taken your tablet? Has anyone SEEN her take her tablet?
What am I signing?
Dinner Money? You have free school dinners. How can you rent out a dinner pass?’

I’ve added punctuation. All this would have been said in one, gradually more hysterical, breath.

Not the calm and loving start this brat has to her day I can assure you.