People, I am injured. I have given blood for my house.A strand of Wire Wool has sliced, like fucking cheese wire, through my finger.
To the bone!
I have homemade stitches and am repaired.
I refuse to go to A&E, I value my ‘MRSA free’ status too much, it’s also 5 hours of my life I won’t get back.
Last night after a bottle of wine, I decided that I would spend today scraping the years’ worth of paint from the railings in front of my house.
Last night this was one of the best ideas I’ve ever had.
I started at 10.30am, at 10.40am I realised I had made a dreadful mistake.
It’s going to take for-fucking-ever.
It’s taken 7hrs to do about a fifth of it.
Having learned most of my DIY skills from my Grandfather, Nitromors was already slapped on and there was no going back.
This stuff is the consistency of semolina and burns through anything.
My Grandfather wouldn’t use anything that did have serious warnings on it.
None of this, ‘rinse your eye with water’ bollocks, the gear he used would have,
‘If you get this on you, phone this number and quote this code. Help will be dispatched. DO NOT TOUCH ANYONE’.
It’s taken 7hrs to do about a fifth of it.
Having learned most of my DIY skills from my Grandfather, Nitromors was already slapped on and there was no going back.
This stuff is the consistency of semolina and burns through anything.
My Grandfather wouldn’t use anything that did have serious warnings on it.
None of this, ‘rinse your eye with water’ bollocks, the gear he used would have,
‘If you get this on you, phone this number and quote this code. Help will be dispatched. DO NOT TOUCH ANYONE’.
At 11.15, I was Jehovah-ed. Stealth Witnesses.
Didn’t see them coming at all, a brace of them spreading the Good News down the street.
“Do you think G-d is happy with the way we are running earth?”
said the Old Dear.
I looked between them.
“Ladies”, I said, “ I think you’ll find your G-d hates me and as an active homosexual I‘m going straight to hell!”.
They looked bemused.
I winked at the younger one,
“I’m past practising!”
They got it then, and moved swiftly on.
Didn’t see them coming at all, a brace of them spreading the Good News down the street.
“Do you think G-d is happy with the way we are running earth?”
said the Old Dear.
I looked between them.
“Ladies”, I said, “ I think you’ll find your G-d hates me and as an active homosexual I‘m going straight to hell!”.
They looked bemused.
I winked at the younger one,
“I’m past practising!”
They got it then, and moved swiftly on.
Life is different out the front.
My next door-but-one neighbours have two cleaners go in.
2!
Only the two of them live there which confirms what I always suspected.
They are dirty bastards.
She dyes her hair 'plum', which according to my Nan, is a sure sign.
My next door-but-one neighbours have two cleaners go in.
2!
Only the two of them live there which confirms what I always suspected.
They are dirty bastards.
She dyes her hair 'plum', which according to my Nan, is a sure sign.
People talk to my cats, calling them by name, and the little fuckers ‘slag’ all over them!
Lots of my neighbours come home for lunch and one kisses goodbye to someone who isn’t her husband!
Lots of my neighbours come home for lunch and one kisses goodbye to someone who isn’t her husband!
8 comments:
Yikes!
That was quite the blood-letting. Take care of yourself, dear one, and for fuck's sake cut out all that self-mutilating ... well, not cut out exactly ... just cease and desist!
Lenten.. It is the Law. If I even stand near DIY activities I will need stitches!
Doing it myself?
I'm lucky I'm not dead!
Some people go in for 'Extreme Sports', mine is 'Extreme Dyspraxia'
Oh no!!!! Still, you should have gone to A&E - it's called taking one for the Blog, the amount of material you can get from any encounter with hospitals, you could dine out for a year.
Nitromors is miraculous, napalm for the paintwork.
I love the JW getting rid of technique though, nicely done!
I think that I need to add a few words here...you're actually doing a good job on the railings and made extremely good progress. It will look brilliant when it is finished and this will spur you on to consider how you will plant your front garden and whether or not you would like to amend the green paint...you also got into the task because you only quit at approx 6pm last night. I also hope, as a denizen of the road, that you swept up all the little nitromorse turds (sniff).
Will lend a hand tomorrow...
Schnee.. I'm totally hospi-phobic and usually get threatened with security at some point.
Think I had enough of it when I was a kid.
Sassy.. I am taking a photo of your garden later to blog! Let the people see the real Connaught!
Bring it on!
Full blown bio-haz suit before I'm impressed, lol. Sorry to hear about the finger, ouch!
crisp-e.. Only need the bio-haz suit if in your lesson!
Who was it that killed the brand new fume cupboard?
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