Iranian President I’madinnytwat says he released our sailors as,
’A gift to the British people’.
Great! Just what we need.
He is the diplomatic equivalent of that ‘sort of’ mate who buys you a fucking excellent birthday present when you only got them a card for theirs.
What did we get him for the Muslim New Year?
Nothing.
He gives us fifteen sailors for Easter.
I was thinking of Harrods vouchers for Eid, but I think he is looking for something along the lines of Nuclear Testing and removal of sanctions.
I’m not sure if we can stretch to that but as ATM used to say when we asked for anything,
“We’ll See”.
Also, do the lads get to keep the suits?
For me, that could be the ‘deal breaker’ in the decision over the choice of 'return' gifts.
3.10am. Still awake. Flicking between GCSE Bitesize Spanish, ESPN Baseball (New York Mets. V. St Louis Cardinals) and the Crime Channel.
A schizophrenic mix and probably not conducive to sleep.
19 comments:
I think we should send 15 people in suits back. People we wouldn't necessarily miss, ones who have been on Big Brother, maybe David Cameron, possibly Chris Evans. Oh, or that bloke who snorts cocaine that you hate but whose name I can't remember. Yes, him. Wonder if anyone'd notice if'n we snook Tom Cruise in there and tried to pass him off as one of ours.
Cool!
We could release Iranians with Bowler Hats, briefcases and a brolly each.
As usual, Schnee is a genius. This is exactly what we should do. Could we add David Beckham and his irritating wife. Def. Tom Cruise, Vanessa Feltz, that Doherty twat who snorts cocaine and irritates Simmi, Tony Blair, Frank Lampard, every single wag and supermodel under the sun...
Have I gone too far?
Sassy.. I think you have been extraordinarily restrained.
I like this take on the release.
International politics sucks. Think I'll go back to bed and pull the covers over my head, for awhile.
Schnee is right! How 'bout that family of gaybashing wankers in your post of yesterday? Send those fuckers along, with the farsi version of their placards, and then maybe a batallion from the Italian Police Force. I'd send Paisley, of course, Daniel O'Donnell, that human sphincter, Michael Flatley, and maybe even a besotted Mel Gibson for diplomatic mediation!
Ooh, Lenten, Flatley is an inspired call!
I am loving the bowler hats and brollies, anything that makes the whole thing more surreal is good. How about painting the boat like a basket, 'basket of fruit for a fruit basket' with a ginormous gift card sticking out and just floating it off the Persian Gulf to be found in Iranian waters.
And of course, it stands to reason we must give more than we received, although that will be difficult since he gave us back what wasn't his to give in the first place and they were first class highly trained Naval personnel whereas we're giving him our human detritus.
Still, numbers count. We could easily fill an aircraft carrier with them. Give 'em fake Iranian passports.
Schnee.. A 'Moses' basket, I like the irony.
We've sent our human detritus to America, Australia and New Zealand.
Why should the Middle East dip out?
Ach Lenten is genius too! Daniel O'Donnell, we have to send Daniel O' Donnell with an appropriate crowd of adoring mothers as in Father Ted or else it doesn't make sense.
I love the idea of the moses basket - it has that Harvest Festival feel to it that would be just so appropriate.
And Germaine Greer.
She'd probably start the third Gulf War, but hey, great entertainment, no?
If Daniel is going, then ALL of the Nolans have to go too.
May as well sling in the St Winifred's School Choir while you're at it.
Sensational! But if the Nolans are going, then we have to add Dana to the mix. I insist.
I see your Dana and raise you a Mary Black.
hmmm, not sure about Mary Black. I saw her live once at the Fleidh in Finsbury Park and she was pretty good. What about Shane McGowan of the Pogues? He'd go down well in an Islamic state being in a state himself...
I have to say that this has been an inspired post and commentary. Never has international politics been so acutely observed. As my final contribution, I would like to add that we put a shipment of hot cross buns in the Moses basket. I've just eaten one and it was truly disgusting.
We never even mentioned the hallowed name Celine Dion!!
Why? O Why?
Celine doesn't execute songs -- She murders 'em!
What was that line in Dodgeball? "It's time to separate the weak from the chafed, the men from the boys, the awkwardly feminine from the possibly Canadian."
(Sorry, Schnee! But ...)
Don't forget "Big Tom and the Mainliners"! Talk about killing them enemy with all that's lethality itself!
Celine has got to take Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey with her.
Someone missed their chance when the three of them sang together.
I dreamt about invading the stage and getting all of them in one humungous Bitch Slap!
One of my Best Ever dreams!
I'd like to keep Shane, if I may. He is a walking cautionary tale.
St. Shane patron of Polish dentists.
Ah no, Lenten, Celine is a national embarrassment. She can deffo go in the basket/ship. And make her warble at them too!
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