I’m back in sunny Pompey!
Passover started a couple of days ago and the vengeful G-d of Israel has punished me for not being more observant.
I have had a nosebleed, of biblical proportions, this afternoon.
My ’man-size’ Kleenex tissues were no match for this gusher.
It bled solidly for an episode and a half of Sharpe. I sat with a measuring jug held under my chin and just dripped.
I lost, just shy of, three quarters of a pint.
You can guarantee I will be having some shant tonight.
When I used to give blood, my first stop would be The Leopold public house. Just to replace the pint of fluid, you understand!
I’ve watched a couple of disturbing TV shows in the last few days.
Starting with, The Most Hated Family In America.
Louis Theroux spent some time with the Phelps family who are all members of The Westboro Baptist church, set up by the family Patriarch. An extremely angry man.
The family, some as young as 7, ‘Picket’ the funerals of American service people killed in Iraq.
They hold placards with, ‘GOD HATES FAGS’, plastered across them. They shout anti American shit at the mourners, telling them that the reason there is a war and the reason their loved one is dead is G-d’s punishment on them because of the liberal attitudes to homosexuals.
They also believe that they are the ONLY people living by the teachings in the Bible and the rest of us are going to hell.
All I can say is, I fucking well hope so! I don’t want to spend eternity anywhere near a single one of these cunts.
Then last night there was a programme on Channel 4 called Eunuchs.
I don’t possess testicles but this show made me cross my legs and at one point grab my groin protectively.
As the title suggests, it was about blokes who were not happy about having bollocks and wanted them removed.
They didn’t want sex changes, they just wanted the nuts gone.
A bloke called ‘Master Rick’ used to provide a castration service from his house.
Unsurprisingly, he was arrested on the greatest charge I have ever heard. Even better than my Dad’s, “Drunk in charge of a perambulator”!
He was charged with, ‘Castration Without Malice’. I laughed, loudly!
There was another poor sod who took to his goolies with a thing called a, Burdizzo. This is used to castrate farm animals. It is a massive clamp thing and is used to mash up the ‘twins’ in the sac. The blood supply is cut off and the body reabsorbs the tissue.
Fucking horrendous.
There are some pretty frightening people out there.
I’m pleased the British Sailors have been released, but I just have to raise an eyebrow.
President I’madinnytwat was banging on about how angry his people were about ‘the British incursion into Iranian territorial waters’.
Mmmmm.
How many of you know where your country’s territorial waters begin and end?
I have been on the ferry to France more times than I can remember and I can honestly say I have never seen a marker. The sea didn’t change colour, no klaxon sounded and given my antipathy towards the French, I didn’t feel it in my bones either.
Geography lessons in Iran must be fucking amazing.
4 comments:
Jahesius! But that was some real shitola TV you wuz watchin. The American pendulum has swungeth into some very dark zones indeedy. If I didn't know better, I say hell aboundeth!
Your eunuch narrative gave me a fearful dose of the tight sack!
(was going through sleepy withdrawal ... though not insomnia.)
Sassy.. Curiously, I leant forward as he did his Olga Korbut moves.
I was facinated that he had left his socks on!
Lenten.. The Septics have got to sort it out or we are going to end up in a very dark place.
Yeah, we need Schnee to sort out the southern territories. Funnily enuf, I didn't notice the sox, but by then I was feeling a tad queazy given what he'd done to his ears.
Still, it is Boston Legal tonight! Interesting that such a bizaare and truly fucked up nation such as the USA can create such sublime TV.
Oh, Lenten, hon - if you go to the BBC 2 website, you can watch the Louis Theroux thing, or at least part of it. WOrth it. One of the things that made the whole experience of watching this family so awful was that Theroux is so gentle and human and it just threw their inhumanity into such sharp relief.
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