Today I got Helmut the grumpiest Tortoise in the West out from hibernation.
He spits and hisses at people due the trauma my Grandfather put him through.
He used to use his walking stick to hook Helmut out from under bushes. The poor bastard was rolled over and over until he ended up at the Grandfathers feet. Just for him to say, ‘He looks fine’ and walk away.
Now he, understandably, hates humans.
He was my 5th birthday present. My sister also had one called Helga but she woke up dead after last years hibernation.
Crisp-e has her rotting corpse out in the garden which he comes and pokes every so often. He is going to have her shell in his classroom.
Why it can’t decompose in his garden is beyond me!
This is getting on my tits today.
People who go on holiday, to what are basically, third world countries then come back and go on about the horrors and deprivations.
Those who come back from places like Thailand and bitch about the sex tourism and poverty, with a bag of trinkets they tell you were, ‘So Cheap!’
Do they think that special flights are laid on for these people?
NO! You knob! They are sat on the same fucking plane as you.
You stop going and there is no flight, no flights, no Noncing!
Jeez, some people’s arrogance knows no bounds.
Ayatollah Benedict XVI is really starting to piss me off too.
According to him, ‘Science is too narrow to explain creation’ and ‘The Darwinist theory of evolution is not completely provable’.
For Fuck’s Sake!
I know some Muslim sects live by 13th century laws, is this the future of the Catholic Church? Not moving forward, but back.
How long before The Inquisition is back in business and The Crusades begin again?
Apparently he is 80 soon.
I’m sure it says in the bible that man’s time is 3 score and 10, so is he sinning by living for longer?
How I yearn for those days in the late 1970’s when the burning question was,
“What lasts longer, a Pope or a wine gum?”
6 comments:
Poor turtle ... however, I'm entirely in favour of serial insomniacs having hibernating pets for pets. It's a feng shui sort of thing, surely?
The ill papa's just plain cracked ... Darwin! For fuck's sake. You'd get more savvy from your turtle there than from any of these peddlers of god. Science too narrow indeed!
I am seriously considering a trip to Rome just to see how outrageously 'homosexual' I'd have to be, to get slung out of the Vatican.
I will definately be packing my 'I Fuck Nuns' shirt. All my Pink Triangle ones, 'Girls who do Girls'.
I'll find a pro abortion one if it kills me and if I can find it, my "Wear A Condom, Just In Casey" one!
On a totally different subject, I think you've got a true calling as an animal photographer. That shot is superb - I absolutely love it. In fact it quite took my breath away. I thought that your photos of Jess were sensational but this is def up there.
And where does the Pope get his science advice from? As far as I was aware his theories are either proven or being amended by further scientific discovery (as is I think the case in such matters - where's Crisp=e when you need him?).
Yeah, popes and politburo members seemed to have a lot in common back in the good old days...
That is a good photo. You caught that wry smirk outta the corner of his jaw perfectly.
I believe in creationism ... insofar as the Creator created the creator of Evolutionary Theory.
Lenten.. Absolutely!
Have found a classic tee shirt online and have ordered it. It has printed on it..
"My Paedophile Priest Only Supports Traditional Marriage"
Love it!
Pulease. Haven't you heard that four score is the new three score years and ten? Yep, should be any day now.
That is a good tortoise pic, and yet again, that thing we have going on. I was about to post a pic of two turtles I took today, but decided better of it because something in the foreground wasn't quite in focus.
I can understand Crisp-e's need to have the turtle shell. For my winter programme I had a little snapper turtle shell and a giant sea turtle one. It never failed to make the kids go WOW!!
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