Conversations

The fear of running out of cigarettes at some unholy hour in the morning drove me out of the house this evening.
Every time I go out, I become more aware of why I should stay indoors.
In the Indian shop I pointed at the three shitty bottles of wine that were on offer and asked if there was anything else.
“We don’t have” he said.
“You don’t have what?”
“Wine! No Wine”
I gestured to the rows and rows of it in front of me and told him
I begged to differ!
“No Wine!”
I then went all ‘English’ and started shouting,
“Offer? Wine offer?” OFF -ER?”
“No wine!” he insisted.
I gave up and went to Threshers.

“I want 2 for a Tenner” I told the foetus behind the counter.
“We’re doing buy 2 get one free” he smiled.
“I want 2 for a Tenner”
“Um.. What you’ll have to do is check the prices for £4.99 bottles….”
I stopped him.
“That is Maths. I don’t do Maths. I want two white and one red, do your stuff”.
I went and waited at the counter while he walked the shop. He didn’t know what to do so he chose my wine and made sure I got three for a Tenner!
When I asked for the king sized rizlas he looked at me and smiled with understanding.
“It was too hectic mate!” I said
“S’ok” he said, “We’re sent on courses”.

All the way home I was wondering how that one comes through from head office.

Dear Colleagues,

There are still places left on next months training course,
“The Stoned and Bewildered - How to choose for them and get them out before they a) Whitey or b) Become incontinent”.

I can imagine the clamour to get on that one!

I bumped into Sassy on the way back home.
“Fucking hell of a day! Fucking Work! I’m going to get myself a curry!”
There’s no real reply to that except,
“Nice one”.
I also warned her away from the Indian shop.

Claire had her second lot of chemo today. She saw the consultant yesterday and it seems to be doing its job because the tumour is shrinking.
Excellent news!
Six more to go.