Having a mooch through The Sunday Nazi I saw the headline,
‘The Secret Miss England Kept From Her Rivals’.
I was mentally rubbing my hands together and started thinking about what would be a “shock” at one of these events.
‘I bet it’s a cock!’ I thought.
It had to be.
Talk about an anti-climax.
She was deaf I one ear.
One fucking ear!?
Most disappointing.
She could have said she had three nipples, dreadlocked pubes or extra toes, something interesting.
Mutt and Jeff in one ear is pretty piss poor as far as freak status goes.
For me, anyway.
Sassy is away in the East and true to form, she pissed her cats off before leaving them in my care.
She does it so they are all bitter and twisted with ME but love HER to bits when she returns.
It’s sick.
Last time it was the feline horror that is Frontline flea treatment, this time she had their claws trimmed.
At the vet.
A brace of fucked off, middle aged, female cats.
Oh Joy!
The Sassy one insists that her ‘Grils’ are lovely.
The same as parents of monster children do.
(“Oh, He looks like an Angel when he is asleep”
Yeah? Fucking more so after you lift the pillow from his face.)
I have yet to see any evidence of this and it has been a number of years.
The ‘Nice One’ bit me in excitement as I was trying to feed it!
Purred and rubbed, purred and rubbed, then teeth in the leg!
Human Scream of,
“FUCKER!”
Quick reminder to self that it’s not my cat and I CAN’T kill it.
Purr and Rub, Purr and Rub.
If she were a human female, she’s the bitch who would scratch your back knowing it would drop you in the shit with the ‘other half’!
This, it has been pointed out, could be ‘cat sex’ and thinking back, I’ve had some humans as mental as that.
It’s Karma.
The bitterness of all my one night stands and those I never called back, live in Sassy’s Cats.
Don’t fuck with the ‘power’ people, it will find a way to bite you in the arse, subtly, and through your bestest mates.
16 comments:
Welcome to those loved by Poppy cat! However, this is somewhat bizarre as although she is a bit of a biter, I've never seen her bite any of her victims in the leg. It's always the hand - usually as you're giving her a bit of a stroke. And she's bitten some top folk in her time like me and Farmer John. Interestingly she's never gone for Clive - which is nice as he's besotted with her.
Don't forget you probably reek of your boys - maybe there's life in the old gril yet! He he he...
... And all this from a 'gril' who once buried a hiber-fucking-nating hamster.
You're right, though, Hell is other people's kids, and pets now too.
(Word Verification is mDewMice! Whatthefuck kind of karma is that?)
Sassy... She was purring, pretending she was happy! Even met me at the door. Frightening Bitch! Just like ATM!
Lenten.. Hamsters are THE disposable pet, after a Mayfly!
No Lenten, she's never had anything to do with a hamster...her daughter brought in a bird to the bedroom once, but no hamsters...and I apologise for my rude gril. BTW, she always purrs when she bites. Puzzling, no?
ANd i thought it was a cock too...now get to bed you two (no, not with each other) as I know exactly what time it is a home.
Sassy.. I buried Katie 1-5 before knowing they hibernated. Ho Hum.
I think I have broken my record for 'sleepers'!
600micrograms Temgesic, 60mg Temazepam, weed, wine and Ouzo!
Sleep?
I'm considering self abuse!
Oh my god, I go away for less than 48 hours and so much happens!
Natch I'm trying to work out who you snogged and who you shagged. Blimey.
We've got Laurence watching Shameless now. I bought the first two series last summer and it just got better and better. One of our TV stations here has series three I think but they only show it intermittently. I think they could be sued for that.
Eesh, I can't imagine Albert Road getting any more surreal.
The word verif. must be getting close to reproducing Shakespeare, actual words now - that's freaky.
Although, I have 'byqasknk' and I'm sure that's a First Nations band.
You watch out with that mix of pills and booze my girl! Didn't manage to stay asleep with the herbal nytol and even self abuse with allied George Clooney didn't work. Of course you could try the statuesque Venus. Never was a woman more appropriately named.
Schnee.. See what happens when you go to America?
It upsets the balance of The Force!
Series 3 of Shamless tomorrow!
Sassy..I'm not right... I got bored with self abuse. I need to see the quack.
Ooooh, bored with self abuse? Eek, yes its def time to go t'quack. However on a lighter note, you will soon be the proud owner of a black Flypod. The speakers you liked were the same (over) price as the UK and Rhona the mad Irish woman did a haggle and got it reduced. When I pulled out the cash, she tried to get a further discount. This woman is def one of us. Brilliant raconteur and sharp as you like. A find, a veritable find. She is so NOT your typical 'quality' oriented academic.
However, are you going to mention to the quack that you're off the wank or is that too much information???
Sassy.. We can never have too many Irish in the collective!
I also need to see the quack about the dodgey shit that is going on with my heart.
Arrythmia or something. It's weird, it's like my heart forgets to beat for a few, then kicks back in.
An unusual feeling but one that's been going on a few months now.
I like Sassy's cats, not the most friendly, but cute none the less.
Sleepy: Your heart is skipping beats!! That’s definitely worth checking out.
Crisp-e is right. Let them affix a monitor to you for a day. That'll do it.
Crisp-e & Lenten.. It doesn't freak me out.
It's like a roller coaster ride!
lol! Natural hormonal responses...you cant beat em! Natures way of reminding us that we are alive!
Crisp-e.. You know me too well!!
Altered States are good!
Indeed they are. As the lyric from Alien Project goes: [...] "I alter my perceptions to make my reality more palatable". Brilliant line!
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