Friday Night, Saturday Morning

I have been out for a drink with the ‘Girls’.
They all still work at Mayhem or are just about to leave.
One I’ve shagged, one I’ve snogged and one I know wears a padded bra, is a shit kisser and definitely doesn‘t have a tattoo where she says she does.
The other three I haven’t touched!
It could have been awkward but it wasn’t.
Amazingly.
It’s also the first time I’ve been out since the smoking ban.
Pubs smell funny but the gardens smell normal.
Weird.
The ban also pushes pissed up loonies into the ‘mainstream’ of Friday night, Albert Road life.
Whereas they used to be contained inside a pub and didn‘t bother anyone, now they are out, talking shit to ‘passers by’.
I walked past one bloke, staggering around his own leg, who said,
“There are only two things that love you in this world. Your Mum and Your Dog. Remember that”.
It was completely random but I told him I would.

Women’s fashion seems to have taken a turn for the worse.
Most girls are either, wearing stuff that an Aunt had as wall paper during the power cuts, or look like photos of ATM during the 70’s.
Both, fucking hideous.
Friday night Men’s fashion hasn’t changed.
There is the ‘builder and plasterer’ chic.
Blokes in Hi-Vis jackets who have been in the pub since 2 that afternoon and there are ‘The Lads’.
The Lads have on good clothes, gelled hair and are highly fragrant.
Something with one name for both, clobber and aftershave.
By the end of the night one of them and one of those covered in dust and rubble will be fighting.
Some blonde girl, with dark roots, will be shouting,
“Leave it *Wayne/Tyrone/Lloyd/Kev/Steve”
(*delete as appropriate)

There are some big birds out there too.
Large girls in crop tops, who say such delightful things as,
“Are you looking at my fuckin’ stretch marks?”
Heaven forefend.
The top made of Cargo netting had drawn my eye long before that, but thanks for pointing out the fake tanned “Gunt“.
I might have missed it otherwise.
Almost put me off my vodka and pushed me in an Oedipal direction, regarding my eyesight.
I came home instead.
I needed a slash and I wasn’t using the toilets there, I didn’t want an opportunity to be caught alone with any of the aforementioned ‘snog-ee‘s‘!

Now, I’m awake. The booze and chemical cosh has not worked.
Time for Nina.
I’ve had 200 micrograms of Temgesic, 20mg of Temazepam and two bottles of wine.
Nothing!