I’ve been thinking.
How does Global Warming impact on those who are ‘Seasonally Affected’?
I’m not seasonally affected to the point I have to have even more annoying light bulbs than the ones I’ve got now. I get a bit down in Winter but who doesn't?.
All I know is I like Spring and that time in May when the coats come off!
Mmmm… Boobies!
Now, Global Warming is impacting on my Libido.
Crappy road surfacing, the vibration of the car, combined with the accidental but perfect positioning of the seam in my jeans; made for a ‘distracting’ hour and twenty minute drive to Wiltshire!
I smiled at people we passed, this doesn’t usually start happening until March.
Spring is early, the sap’s rising people and I’m as horny as hell!
Mel’s house in Wiltshire is an old terraced ‘cottage’ and as such, the pipes are as equally old.
Something has gone wrong and all the waste water from Mel’s is bubbling up in next door’s conservatory.
The toilet is becoming particularly troublesome for them.
I’d let Jessie The Irish Hound out and was waiting for her return, when the usually aggressive ‘Mr’ from next door approached me.
I knew something was afoot when he made eye contact and was smiling.
Basically, he was trying to ask us not to use the toilet because a ‘flush’ ended up in his house.
Not a problem, if the drain people are coming tomorrow morning.
They are not.
Next Monday is the earliest.
No bog, no bath or shower and no sinks until next week?
Fuck Off! There has got to be a Health and Safety issue surrounding this.
I did get some amusement while he was alluding to ‘Feminine Hygiene’ products without actually referring to them.
He went in to what I call, “PC Panic”.
This is the momentary panic blokes have when they think they have been, or are just about to be, Politically Incorrect. They manage to stop themselves but forget to let their faces know.
In this poor fellah’s case it was,
“Shit! Am I allowed to discuss jam rags with the Dykes? Fuck! I should’ve listened to ‘er indoors when she said she’d handle it! Fuck! Oh G-d, can I be sued?”
Bless.
4 comments:
Aren't you horny as hell ALL the time?
I thought we hadn't been allowed to put our sanis down the loo since about 1974.
What kind of a dipstick would ask anyone not to flush their loo?
Tis true on the 'horniness' front, but there are degrees.. This is the time f year I make bad decisions, such as, The Head of Science!...
The kind of dipstick who is inherently homophobic but has to be nice if he doesn't want my poo in his house!
Bleuuugh...
And I'm with Schnee, I thought that the horns were a permanent feature...something else that the hairdressers also have to deal to.
Cool!
Ferocious Randiness is the sheer fuckedness of spring itself! Can't you just imagine Richard Grant spewing something like that in Withnail & I.
Don't those Tundra dwellers have some kind of prism that they put up to the eyes to give the optic nerves a jolt of light on the dull days?
Don't think my nerves would be fooled, though ... nor yours.
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