People, I’m not well. The fucking French are having their revenge on me, without a French person being involved at all.
I have food poisoning.
Kitsch N D’or, the local French restaurant, has tried to kill me.
I’ve had the shivers, projectile vomiting, I can shit through the eye of a needle at thirty paces and I can’t trust a fart!
I am now empty.
I’m also thirsty and fucking perversely, really hungry.
Sassy saved me from certain mental breakdown by getting my ciggies for me.
She was due to knock the door, so when I opened it and found a middle aged Asian man with a clipboard, I was surprised.
I said,
“You are not who I expected”.
He smiled and started looking at my windows.
“Can I interest you in double glazing?”
I groaned and shouted,
“NO!”
For a moment I considered puking on his shoes, but the other end was in that ‘unpredictable’ phase.
He laughed and said,
“Good, because I want you to sign for this Passport!”.
I just stared at him, and he said,
“You didn’t expect that either!”
That really made me laugh and cheered me up considerably.
While bitching about the French, there is some good news.
Maurice Papon is dead.
He was France’s Budget Minister, 1978-1981.
In ‘81 it came out he had been responsible for sending 1690 French Jews to Nazi death camps.
He also did a runner to Switzerland when he was convicted and jailed for 10 years.
The Swiss sent him back, eventually.
He was freed in 2002 after serving 3 years.
French system is as good as ours then?
Last week he had surgery on his dodgy pacemaker and died a few days later.
I would like to speculate on the surname of his surgeon.
I’d like to think it ended with a Stein, Berg, or a Ski!
So Prince Harry is going to Iraq.
Why is this big news?
So he should. He’s in the frigging Army for fuck’s sake! That’s his job. We don’t pay his wages so he can go out on the piss every night and I certainly don’t want one of my ‘Royals’ mixing with Madonna.
Air miles Andy went to the Falklands.
It’s not like he’s going to be put on the front line, like Mr and Mrs Ordinary’s son, is it?
He is the ‘Spare’ anyway. Just makes the Civil List a bit cheaper.
Well, Well, Britney Spears has shaved her head.
Huge speculation on the news about whether she is mental or is it a publicity ploy.
Mmmm.. Let’s think for a minute.
Possible custody battle with Fed Ex. A few months of hard partying, then rehab.
There are many drinks you can buy to get rid of/mask drugs in the system. I’m sure rehab centres help ‘purify’ the body.
Hair can be tested for drugs and the hair doesn’t lie.
Losing the plot or very clever?
9 comments:
Actually, I'm rather glad that the prince Harry is going to Iraq because it also shows up something else stupid that ppl are wont to say, which is 'Tony Blair's children should be sent to Iraq,' which is just brute ignorance since none of them are in the army. No-one's children have been sent to Iraq who aren't in the army, and if you are in the army, then that is your job. Exactly as you said.
Also, grandma has been a great ruler partly because she did all that normal person ship very early on. That woman can strip down an engine and put it back together. And that's deffo the Queen and not Helen Mirren.
I believe you're wrong to say that no actual French person is involved in their obvious poisoning of you. Clearly the kitche'n is stuffed full of them.
I didn't know that hair could be tested for drugs. I will find some way of making this information work for me.
Schnee... reads fine with either, to me anyway!
http://www.craigmedical.com/Hair_Drug_Test.htm
(I can't do all that link bollocks!)
Check it out though.
God, you'e cynical! But you are right about testing for drugs through using samples of hair - we've clearly watched too many episodes of CSI.
On the Iraq thing. I remember watching Farenheit 9/11 and one of the points that Mike Moore made was how few Congressmen/women had children serving in the armed forces. And it was in marked contrast to him revisiting really poor communities where basically everyone had rellies who were serving. I'm glad Harry's off - and they should send that hapless tosser Edward too...
Sassy.. Edward would be buggered inside out!
Me? A cynic? Surely not?
Hahaha, I shared your comment about BS's junk with a couple of ppl this evening. Thought they were going to actually pee themselves. Your Canadian fan club expands.....
An expanding Canadian fan club.
Should I be flattered or afraid?
You'll like these two. They'd be very at home around the Alien's road kitchen table, ergo, you'd like 'em.
Seeing pics of BS's sad little adventure with a razor reminded me that I'd seen a pic of Sinead O'Connor again recently. Very little hair still. Does time stand still?
I thought it WAS her to begin with.
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