Halloween, TV And Family

Poxy Halloween.
I remembered to get bags of sweeties for the little gits.
I bitched about it throughout the whole purchase.
I’ve had 1 Devil, 2 Skeletons, 3 Grim Reapers, a Dracula, a Witch, and bizarrely, 2 school girls dressed as, well, school girls.
Frighteningly, it was only the St Trinian’s pair who were unaccompanied.
Fireworks are going off all over the place.
Loud, house shaking rockets.
Without the weed I’d be exhibiting the early symptoms of shellshock.

I thought the signers on late night TV were the worst thing a stoned insomniac can be faced with.
I was wrong.
Last night I discovered something even more hectic.
They have people who describe what is happening, during the TV programme.
I am assuming for blind people.
“Dalziel and Pascoe have just pulled into the car park of a pub. They get out of the car and go inside.”
I know! I’m watching!
That is just way too freaky for this stoner.

Another advert has caught my eye.
This one is for Tena Pants.
Not pads, Pants.
Forgive me, but if you have moved beyond a pad, that is a fecking nappy.
I’d suggest your problem is a tad more serious than crossing your legs when you sneeze.

I heard a funny story about my sister and 2 of her kids.
She was going out, leaving her 14yr old daughter, 16yr old son and his girlfriend indoors.
She had had a new sofa delivered that day, so warnings of certain death if anything happened to it were issued.
When she got back, my nephew and niece were bitching, as only siblings can, and inevitably he went too far.
“Right! That’s it! I’m telling!”
She then informed her mother, and I quote,
“H was shagging his girlfriend’s bum on the sofa!”
My sister, slightly taken aback, asked her to repeat.
Apparently, her response could have been heard by Helen Keller,
“What??!!! On my NEW fucking sofa?!”
He went into hyper-denial.
Then, just as the boy thought it was all over, she picked up his phone and accidentally activated the screen saver.
It was a picture of his girlfriend performing, what some of the papers euphemistically call a ‘sex act’, on his person.
Unfortunately, he was artistically back dropped by her new sofa!