I’ve had a bastard headache all day.
I did all the right things, drank loads of fluids and popped pills.
But it won’t go.
This is the physical backlash for having to swallow down the fury of 2 days ago.
I decided on fresh air.
Big mistake.
I bumped in to ex pupils, who insisted on recognising me.
It usually goes something like this.
“Alright Miss? Still at Mayhem?”
“Hello. Um, No”
I then look in the pushchair and ask,
“That yours?”
“Yeah, you remember I was pregnant at the end of year 10. This is her. Bless ‘er. Little Errazuriz”
“Mmmm.. Unusual. Ah, Nice, her jewellery matches yours.”
“I ‘ad another one but he was a little bastard so he lives wiv his Dad.
Hyperactive our little Nike but I‘ve got to ‘ave him back when his Dad goes inside.”
“Really, how old is Nike now?”
“3 months.”
“Well, it’s been lovely, bye!”
But then sometimes it goes like this, as it did today.
“Oi Miss! Oi, Miss!”
I look up.
“Still a Lesbian?”
Oh Great! That old chestnut. In the queue in the supermarket.
“Yes, Thank You. And You? Still unable to read or write?”
I generally find there is no come back on that one.
I enjoy sharing football texts with Sassy. It’s guaranteed to get bawdy at some point.
The object of her perverted heterosexual lust this evening?
(She’s very out about being straight, I’m fine as long as she doesn‘t ram it down my throat).
Dimitar Berbatov, player for my beloved and beleaguered Spurs.
He is becoming a bit of a problem player for the manager.
I suggested a ‘firm hand’ and I’m sure you can see where the messages went from there.
So, I’ve been peeing every twenty minutes, the ‘pension’ crowd in Somerfield are in absolutely no doubt about my sexual preference, I have the imagery of a good friend being inappropriate with one of my sporting heroes and I still have the fecking headache.
Onward.
17 comments:
Well Sassy might be a raging hetero, but that bloke looks gayer than springtime. Not that you can necessarily tell just by looking....oh who am I kidding, of course you can!
Schnee.. Having one of THE most finely tuned gaydar of any straight woman I know, you must be right!
Mine and crisp-e's thoughts exactly.
Gayer than a Boy Scout Jamboree.
Cracking footballer though!
You must tell me if hetero ravings get simply too intolerable given my lack of reknown for sensitivity. Which is probably why I am truly baffled that y'all think Berbatov is gay.
But your riposte to the young ladies in Somerfield was as inspired as a Berbatov goal.
Oh god, I went and saw the photo. Jesus! Now, as far as I am concerned, he is either a v.g. friend of Dorothy or this is an unfortunate photo taken once he hit the big time and therefore wanted to show off his Rolex to the folks back home. Could go either way, folks, could go either way...
Sassy... Nah! You're out and proud! Don't change!
As for Dimi? He is difinitely more than a passing acquaintance of Dorothy!
On a completely different tack, I don't know about you, but the word 'beaver' always makes me snigger uncontrollably. I have just had to phone 'Beaver Tool Hire' and really had to concentrate very hard on the conversation. I mean 'beaver' is bad enuf, but then you combine with 'tool' and 'hire' and it gets uncontrollable...
Beaver!! Hahaha!
Ask Schnee! Totally cracked me up in Canada.
Canadians, however, derive no amusement from it at all!
I would just die in Canada. Beaver country! Oh jesus...I've got to go and teach in a minute.
The business applications of Beaver are endless!
I'd come to that lecture.
hahahahahahahaha! He looks like one of the elves from Lord of the Rings!
Sleepy, your encounters are the exact reason why I try not to go into town these days. It's embarrassing! It's not that they are rude, but the mere fact that some of them are downright thick and are, therefore, not demonstrative of ones teaching prowess (in the public eye that is).
Crisp-e.. I know mate! It makes you want to tell people around you, "I never had them. They would be able to read if I did!".
It's been years since I've been in to 'Town' proper.
Home patch of the 'Six-toed Window Licker.'
Sorted the keyboard then?
The business applications of beaver! Stupendous. I've mailed you an item I thought you might like...remind you of Canada an' all...
I went to town on Wednesday as phone broke. Man oh man. Bloke in the Orange shop that was definitely out of the 'Phones 4 U' advert. Scary. Oh, and fetish shoes seem to be big this season.
I now have Larry the Laptop back. Sanity restored. Sigh.
Sassy... Great picture!
Innit! Yeah, got the new aluminium apple keyboard. Its 6mm thick!!!! What next?
Crisp-e.. I love you Dred but you are a Techno-Whore!
Sx
hahahahahaha! Its the only one they had! They have stopped making the white ones!
Slut!
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